Becoming Five

Next Stop: American Idol

2012-01-28T15:18:00.007-06:00

This video cracks me up. If you haven't gotten a glimpse of their personalities through the pictures I post, this video clip will certainly fill in some gaps! Life in our house is far from boring.

Hope this makes you smile!

You Know You're Sick When...

2012-01-26T15:49:00.001-06:00

How sad is that sweet little face?

And maybe just as sad is what he's using as a pillow! The Diaper Genie was full, so I emptied it, left the room for a second, and came back to this. It must have been comfortable (or the smell didn't seep through enough to bother him) because he was content to rest there. I could only handle it for a few minutes, though, before I lifted him off and just cuddled with him.

We've had a busy past few weeks. Karis and Kai both had rough colds, but Kai definitely experienced the worst of it. It's so sad when your kiddos don't feel well, and it can be tough on Mommy and Daddy, too (especially when Daddy is also sick!). Sleep has been minimal with more than one child waking up each night (and sometimes 3, all at different times) but I think we're over the hump. Here's to hoping for great health the rest of the winter! :)

****

I still haven't gotten a good photo of all 3 kids. Maybe someday...

I'll share some cute ones I've gotten of the "big kids" having fun with Jonas, though.

(This is not the only onesie we have for Jonas, but apparently I like to take pictures when he's wearing it!)

Karis, who has been on strike when it comes to taking pictures, has suddenly become super compliant when posing with Jonas! I've taken advantage of that and we've gotten lots of fun photos of the two of them. Typically, the first thing Karis asks when waking up is to see Jonas. And since she wakes up before Kai, she gets fun time alone with him. So that's when I've taken most of my photos. Unfortunately, it's before I've fixed her hair, so pardon the bed head!

The "Cheesy Smile" still makes occasional spontaneous appearances!

****

"BUDS"

Okay, I LOVE the bald spot on Jonas's head! For some motherly reason, I find it totally adorable and funny!

I think these two are gonna be buds. I knew Karis would adore Jonas, but Kai has surprised me with how much he loves him, too. We have our moments of jealousy, but all in all, it hasn't been bad. Karis and Kai can't remember life without each other, and pretty soon they won't be able to remember life without Jonas. Or our next little guy!

Even when Kai is being sweet, sometimes Jonas still needs some space!

So much love...

It blesses my heart.

We got family photos taken this week! It will be another week before we get them back, but I can't wait to update our home (and the blog!) with photos that include Jonas.

Karis is getting to the age where she says really cute things. Here are a few of the latest:

"Mommy, you need to cut my toenails. My foot is too long."

"Mommy, what her doing, honey?"

("Her" referring to me as I come in the door from Target.)

"Mommy, Jonas is getting chubby. I go get him."

(I don't think she understands what chubby means, so this comment makes no sense! Jonas has been getting chubby, and it's so cute! She's obviously heard us comment about it. :)

Mommy? You take a shower??

(I was already dressed with make-up on and my hair fixed one day this week when I came to get her out of bed. Typically at that time of day, I'm in my pj's with no make-up and my glasses on, so apparently there is a stark difference. And she was kind enough to point it out.)

She also interprets for Kai a lot. It's amazing that she can understand him when we can't. And so helpful!

****

In other news, we have no idea what we're going to name our next baby. I'm 27 weeks now, so we still have time, but we got nuthin'. I've said before that I think naming boys is harder than naming girls, so now that we're doing it for the third time in a row, our options have run a little dry. Feel free to share ideas of names you think go well with the ones we've already chosen. We love to give our kids names that have special meaning, so I'm praying that God will guide us to just the right name. Aside from the name issue, I'm feeling great and enjoying the pregnancy. This little guy is kicking up a storm. Karis likes to touch my belly and tell me she feels him moving (even when I don't feel anything). She also informs us occasionally that she has a baby in her tummy, too. :)

We have fun trying to imagine life with 3 boys. Stephen says we're going to be broke when they're all teenagers and eating enormous amounts of food. But I pointed out that it should break even, because we'll only have to pay for one wedding!

Life is busy and we've had a couple of crazy days, but I can't complain. It's going to be even busier soon! We're getting used to a house that's a little more cluttered and we're behind on just about everything, but as I've mentioned before, we're learning how to cut out the "fluff" and prioritize what really matters. I'd rather read a book to my kids than be caught up on laundry. And my meals are far from gourmet right now, but we have full bellies. Life is good.

Before He Knew Us, He Knew Love.

2012-01-23T17:25:00.001-06:00

Jonas is such a happy little guy!

I'm still in awe of how well he has attached to our family. It's like he didn't miss a beat. I credit that obviously to God, and thank Him for giving Jonas foster parents who were amazing. He was loved so well in our absence. They are truly phenomenal people and we couldn't have asked for a better family to love him while he was waiting for us. I cannot tell you how grateful we are for them. He could have come to us a very different boy than he did, but he came to us loved, happy, safe, enjoyed. The day Jonas came home, we got to pick him up from their house and spend a good amount of time visiting with them. They sent us home with a scrapbook and photo album, all kinds of momentos, a binder with information about his schedule, medical stays, daycare, etc. They gave us a daily calendar of what he had done (My mom pointed out they kept a better record than I could have!) lots of Christmas presents, and more! We've kept in touch and they were so helpful early on as we had questions about his routine and history. I shared with them that they although we will never get back the time we lost with him, they gave it back to us as much as possible. I'm so grateful for loving families who serve the children of our country by being foster parents. When I was little, my parents opened our home to foster children. I still have memories of some of my foster siblings. Welcoming them into our family was something I took for granted at the time, but that I value so much now for the lessons it taught me. It's not often an easy task, but very few things of value are easy. Did you know there are over 500,000 children in foster care in our country? Did you know that if one family from every Christian church chose to foster, there would be a home for every one of those children? Here's my plug: Do you have space in your home and your heart for a child who needs love and care? Have you ever thought of fostering? It may not be a fit for you, but it never hurts to consider it!

Houston, We Have A Pattern

2012-01-08T16:52:00.000-06:00

Oh, what to say?

Feel free to laugh. Or be shocked. But yes, the photo is what it appears. That's a baby in my belly and it's not a photo from when Kai was in there! Apparently our pattern is to add to our family in multiples. Time to change the blog name again!

There really aren't words to describe our reaction. Without going into too many details, let's just say that God definitely intended for this baby to be in our family! :) We've said for awhile that we liked the idea of 4 kids, but our assumption was that the 4th would be a few years away. So, to say we were surprised would be an understatement.

Happy? Yes.

Excited? Very.

Overwhelmed? Yep, if we let our thoughts run away.

Still in disbelief? For realz.

Left to trust God's amazing and unexpected plan? Absolutely!

I did some calculating late one evening and decided to take a test the next morning. I'm pretty sure I was shaking when the little lines showed up! Even though it wasn't expired, the test was a couple of years old, so I decided I should buy a new one just to be safe. So that afternoon I tried again. Another positive. Well, both of those tests were generic brands, so I thought maybe it would be good to buy a reliable, name brand test... Yep, they all agreed - a baby is on the way! :)

I hadn't mentioned the possibility to Stephen, so he was completely unsuspecting when I had the kiddos present him with this little wrapped gift (with the tests inside) at bedtime that evening.

It's funny to think about it now, but he was SO blindsided! I don't think he even knew how to absorb the information he was holding in front of him. Fortunately, as you can see from the first photo, there's a smile on his face. But the smile looks a little dazed in the second photo! :) After we got the kids in bed, I couldn't find him. I went looking and he was on the deck, sitting and staring at the sky. I asked if he was okay. He slowly said, "Yes... I'm just processing this." We laugh about it now, but it was a lot to take in.

Back in the day, I imagined getting married right out of college and becoming a mom by the time I was 25. I had my little plan and thought it sounded perfect. But reality ended up pushing each of those back about 10 years from what I expected. And you know what? I wouldn't change it for anything. That's not to say it was always easy, but God used that time in significant ways. Never, ever, ever in a million years did I imagine my life would look the way it does. I couldn't have dreamed this up. And this is SO much better than what I imagined. God's timing is perfect. Why do we always fight for our timing over His? Why do we think we can author a story for ourselves that's better than one written by the Author of Life?

And I know it's going to be hard (believe me, I have moments when I think, "How in the world will we do this with four?"). Once the baby comes in late April, it may be a few years before you see or hear from me again! :) But I couldn't be more thankful. There was a time when I was brokenhearted, longing for a child. It wasn't that long ago, and the memories of those years are still fresh. So to consider where God has brought our family brings us humble gratitude and awe. He has provided in so many ways. He will no doubt continue to provide. We will be pushed to learn a greater dependence on Him than we have ever known. There's less room in our lives for things that aren't important, so we're learning to prioritize and be intentional with the time and resources we have. And it's stretching, but it feels right. After putting our kids to bed earlier this week, Stephen said to me, "Sometimes things feel a little crazy, but I love our little family." These children are amazing gifts and worth every sacrifice and struggle. They teach us each day that life isn't about us. And you know what? It would be easy to just shift our focus and think that life is about them, and to look to them to fulfill us. But life is about HIM. And through these children, we are learning that in important ways.

By the way...

It's a boy!!!

Stephen was the only male to carry on his family name. So I'm excited that we'll have 3 boys to keep it going. And there's no need to feel sorry for Karis. I'm pretty sure she'll hold her own! :) She will mother her brothers and lead them in lots of fun.

There were several reasons we waited this long to share our news, but mainly we just wanted to wait until things were settled with Jonas. It's been really great to finally get to celebrate both of these babies.

24 weeks pregnant!

So, Baby Jonas will soon be a big brother! There's 5 months between Karis and Kai, 19 months between Kai and Jonas, and 7 months between Jonas and our as yet unnamed baby #4. Four kids in 2 1/2 years! If you know anyone with a similar story who can give me advice, feel free to share!

Here's proof that lightning can strike twice. :)

They Could Have Missed This...

2012-01-04T17:01:00.000-06:00

This was their first morning waking up with Jonas. They were SO excited to see him! Jonas looks a little shell-shocked in this photo, but I promise he was smiling and happy with the attention. :)

And how sweet are these pics of Karis and Jonas???

Yay for brothers!!

I once heard an adult child of adoption share that he always wished someone in his family looked like he did. I know that's not possible for most children of adoption, so I'm extra grateful that these two get to grow up together. They'll share a history that I hope offers a meaningful connection. I hope Kai and Jonas are just as close as Karis and Jonas are, and I don't want to differentiate between our adopted and biological children, but I realize that being adopted can present a unique set of questions and struggles. My prayer is that Karis and Jonas will find support and encouragement in their shared history. I'm so, so thankful these two get to grow up together.

Melts my heart...

They could have missed this...

But God made it happen.

"He Will Accomplish."

We're forever grateful.

We ARE Five!!!

2012-01-04T11:24:00.000-06:00

So, blogging gets a little harder when you add a third child. Especially when you add a third child the week before Christmas. Then go out of town for a week. Then come back home and try to catch up on laundry and life. But, I'm back! And as I write that, I won't be surprised if it's still a few more days before these words actually get posted! :) [note: it took 4 days!] There's so much I want to write about and I'm not sure how to fit it all in!

First of all, Jonas is doing SO, SO well! People ask how he's adjusting and I say that if he's struggling with the transition, he's expressing it through acting content and being smiley. :) He is so incredibly precious and we love this little guy a ton! He fits naturally and is already such a vital part of our little clan. He definitely recognizes us and responds to us well. He's very tolerant of all the affection that Karis and Kai lavish on him, too! They are so excited about him and Karis frequently says, "I want to sit on Baby Jonas's yap." (Meaning, of course, that she wants Jonas to sit on her lap. :) Kai has this thing about leaning in and touching foreheads with him. It must be the manly way of expressing love to your brother. :) Kai calls him, "Baby Donas" and wants to see him the second he wakes up. If Jonas makes so much as a peep while he's sleeping, they think he's awake and want to go get him! It's amazing. Sibling love is seriously one of the most gratifying things for me as a parent. :)

That's not to say that life with three kids (two-years-old and under) isn't busy or an adjustment, because even though Jonas is so easy, we're still figuring things out. Like getting all 3 of them into church when we're running late and have to park far away. Or doing diaper changes on road trips. Cooking dinner while they're all awake. Or orchestrating a photo of the 3 of them together (we have yet to get a good one). We're figuring things out, and I'm sure we'll be challenged to grow in the process. But we wouldn't have it any other way. We think each of our children are miracles and we love our crazy little circus.

There's still a lot about the adoption that I want to share. I want to tell you more about the hearings, the parents who loved on Jonas for his first 3 months, our birth mom, the other family who wanted to raise him... And I will get to all of it. God is in each chapter of this story and we continue to become aware of the different ways He is working. Now that Jonas is home with us, it seems surreal that we've lived this experience. Yet, I still think about it all the time and my heart continues to process it. I'm filled with joy, but I'm still grieving, too. I have a feeling that the growth and learning produced from this experience doesn't end now that Jonas is home. And that's a good thing.

So, I'll get to more details soon. But before I post those, I have some other things to share. :) Stay tuned!

God Will Accomplish

2011-12-17T17:37:00.000-06:00

Meet our newest son, Jonas!!!

How precious is he???

Soooo easy to fall in love with this little guy.

As I'm writing this post, he’s been in our care for 8 hours and I can tell you already that he is worth it. He is worth every single tear, every moment of anxiety, every sleepless night, every heartbreak, every road trip, every fear, every frustration, every little (and big) thing we’ve experienced in this journey.

He is worth it.

The name Jonas is super meaningful to us. If you’ve followed our story from the beginning, you know that, from day one, God has accomplished the impossible to bring this child to our home. Jonas means, “He will accomplish.” We chose the name before the drama began, believing it was a very fitting name to honor all God had done to that point. And once the difficulties began to unfold, it took on even greater meaning. We were constantly comforted by the knowledge that God can, and will, bring His purposes about in our lives. When circumstances seemed most dire, we knew that God had not abandoned us and that He would accomplish His plan. And we constantly found hope in the knowledge that “what is impossible with man is possible with God.” Now that our son is in our arms, we can’t help but marvel at all that God has accomplished to bring him home. I haven't been able to share all the details on this blog, and there are so many more stories. So many details or factors that barely kept us in the game. So many things, if tweaked just a tiny bit, could have resulted in a totally different outcome. But God is in the details. We had some incredible people behind us and working for us, but in the end, if God hadn’t moved mountains, our son wouldn’t be with us today. If you ever hear me doubt God in the future, please smack me upside the head and tell me to look at Jonas. :) He is living proof that God is bigger than man’s plans, that God is faithful, that God is loving, that God is REAL. It is a privilege and a gift to have walked through this trial, because I’m coming out of it with deeper faith and broader perspective than I’ve had before. I am changed.

We’re driving home and I’m writing this as Jonas sleeps in the car seat next to me. I keep looking over at him, holding his hand, touching his brow. After all this time, it’s so surreal that he is here with us. Yet, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. He just fits. He is so sweet, so smiley, so precious to us.

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of our son.

And thank you, Lord, for the gift of Your Son.

We’re so grateful that Jonas is home in time for Christmas. A few months ago, as a friend prayed for our family, she acknowledged that God knows what it’s like to lose a son. We almost lost Jonas. We’ve had two scares with Kai needing surgery. I’ve felt anguish over the potential loss of my sons. And it was just potential loss. And I am far from being a perfect God. More than ever, I am so grateful for the story of Christmas, and that God loves us that much. It’s truly reason to celebrate.

More photos (with the siblings!) coming soon. I'm also going to write to share more details, so stay tuned! :)

It's official!!!!!!!!!!

2011-12-14T22:30:00.000-06:00

Our son is coming home with us tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best. Christmas. Present. EVER!

Pictures and details to come, but I wanted to share the news, even if it's just a quick update. We are thrilled and blessed and thankful! Thank you for your prayers for our family! Woo Hoo!!! There's no way to capture our joy with words right now!!!!! :)

Hoping It's Today

2011-12-14T09:22:00.000-06:00

We have a hearing in approximately 7 hours.

So much is going on in my head and heart right now!

Each time we've had an event/hearing in this journey, I've been hopeful for a resolution, but also prepared for things to draw out. However, this time my heart is wayyy more set on a conclusion. We've been given lots of hope that this will be the day things are finalized. And so I'm hoping, hoping, hoping that is the case.

And I'm hoping, hoping, hoping that our son is placed in our arms. Forever.

I've let myself get excited. I bought matching shirts for he and Kai. I've been planning birth announcements. I'm imagining Christmas day and celebrating with our family of five.

And these are very likely scenarios. I'm so hopeful and so excited... and I'm also a little anxious and a little scared. This could be a huge day.

Even though we have reason to hope that this baby will be placed with us, I've kept my heart a little guarded as we wait. I have no idea what the judge is planning. I still (as always) need to trust God and not circumstances.

And really (thankfully), we're not trusting the judge to decide. We're trusting that God has a plan for our lives and that He will faithfully accomplish His purpose. For each one of us.

For almost 11 months we've prayed for this child, loved him, and waited for him. God has provided in amazing ways and He has sustained us through each moment. He will definitely continue to do this beyond today!

As you think of us, we would love your prayers. In 2 Corinthians, Paul talks about being helped by the prayers of others. I've been blessed to experience this kind of help, because so many of you have invested in us this way. Thank you again for journeying with us.

I'll update as soon as possible!

Holiday Traditions

2011-12-05T23:49:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I feel a little sad that my "almost twins" have cruised through babyhood. The time has flown! At the same time, each stage is sooooo much fun. The kids have been really excited about Christmas this year. Costco has had Christmas trees out for months now, and every time we go Karis says, "Mommy, let's go down this pile!" (a.k.a. "aisle"). They both love looking at the "pretty lights," and have memorized on which aisles baby Jesus and the snowmen are located. So, they were beyond excited when we put our own tree up a few weeks ago.

And I was beyond excited to start the first of many fun Christmas traditions today. I have early memories of making sugar cookies and gingerbread men with my Mom at Christmastime, and I love that my kids are now old enough that I can begin recreating those memories with them.

I worked hard to get everything in place. I got the dough rolled out and ready. I helped the kids into their chairs. Then, I turned around to get the cookie cutters...

Little Man took advantage of the two seconds it took for me to grab them and dug right in! Of course, I put the cookie cutters down and grabbed my camera. :)

Karis saw what Kai was doing and there was no way she was going to miss out on the action!

I quickly realized they were going to be less interested in cutting out shapes and more interested in eating cookie dough. :) However, after I did some demonstrating, they jumped right in.

They spent some time doing this:

But in all actuality, they did a lot more of this:

If you look closely at the photo on the right, you can see that Kai even tried to do both at once!

Collectively, Karis and Kai probably cut out about 5 cookies. It's a good thing that memories were my goal and not productivity! :)

Kai even got in a little practice on his sharing skills:

And we finished it off with an...

We had so much fun. I can't wait to do it again next year!

We're Getting There...

2011-12-01T22:10:00.001-06:00

You know what I’d love right now? A massage!

Our hearing started late yesterday, so by the time it was over, we’d been sitting in a freezing courthouse for 3 hours. I spent that time tensed up from the cold, as well as from anxious anticipation about how things were going to unfold. So, today my shoulders are achy! But, I’m happy to say that my heart is not.

More than any other time, we feel hopeful that our waiting is almost over. Another hearing is set for December 14^th. On Monday we were told that it could be two more months before a resolution, so two weeks is a much easier pill to swallow. My hope is still a little cautious, since we’ve had setback after setback. But the people "in charge" seem convinced we'll have an answer on the 14^th. Please, please, please let it be so!

I’ve mentioned before that having this baby’s sibling is a definite benefit to us. We have the support of some key parties, but it will ultimately be the judge’s decision, so we are continuing to pray for the judge and trusting that God is guiding her decision.

We got to see our sweet boy again! He is so precious. He has the same nose, mouth, and coloring as Karis, and he’s alert like she was, too. He’s getting chubbier, which is great news because it gives testimony to his health. His digestive issue seems to be under control and he is doing well! I’m aching to cuddle him and kiss his sweet cheeks, and Lord willing, I’ll get to do that in 14 days! We got to observe him with his caregivers again and it is more than obvious that he is getting lots of love. It’s salve to my broken heart to see him being loved so well. I think he gets to be held a lot, and I will be more than happy to take over that task! If he does come home with us soon and you come to visit us, you may have to pry my fingers off of him to have a chance to hold him yourself. :)

While I would have loved a resolution yesterday, I feel at peace. God is taking care of our son. God is taking care of us. He WILL accomplish His will for all of our lives. We trust that fully.

And for now, it’s good to be home. It’s wonderful to be back with our kids. And the next 2 weeks can’t go by quickly enough!

Another Step Toward A Resolution

2011-11-29T14:33:00.000-06:00

About 30 minutes ago I strapped my toddlers in the back of their Uncle Zach's Mustang, then watched them drive off to my parents' house. My bachelor brother is armed with snacks, books, and, if all else fails, The Wiggles. He will no doubt enjoy their sweet melodies as they travel. :)

Until our adoption got turned upside down, I'd only been away from my kids overnight once. And that was for less than 24 hours. I'm with them all.the.time. And I like it that way. It's great to get away with Stephen for a date night, or with a friend for coffee, but overall, I LOVE being with my kids. And I really dislike being away from them.

I'm missing them already.

All that to say, leaving them while we travel for these court hearings is one more thing that tugs at my emotions. This is our 5th trip since the baby was born. We've taken the kids with us when we can, but considering we usually drive 8 hours there one day, then 8 hours back the next day, it's not a fun trip for them. Fortunately, our families have stepped up and been AMAZING to help us out. I don't know what we would have done without their support. And, it's actually been great for the kids and their grandparents to get extra time together. Our baby boy is worth all of the traveling, but this is one more reason I'll be glad when a resolution is reached.

Our next hearing is tomorrow at 3:30. Please be praying for the judge as she considers our case. We learned some news yesterday that indicates that the hearing tomorrow won't be the last. [sigh... heart drops to my toes]. We've really been hoping for a resolution tomorrow, but if it does drag on, I'm glad we learned about it ahead of time. There are lots of hoops to jump through in our legal system. I know they're put there to protect people, but sometimes they don't make logical sense. Even still, we are thankful for our legal system and we continue to trust that God is bigger than the legal system. He is working even in the midst of things that seem pointless to us. If nothing else, we can be grateful that this is another step toward resolution. We're continuing to pray that the judge will experience an urgency to resolve this case ASAP. We definitely value and appreciate your prayers, as well.

Since we'll be traveling, I'm not sure how quickly I'll be able to update you, but I'll post an update as soon as I can.

Thank you, again, for praying!

Passing The Time

2011-11-22T10:48:00.000-06:00

We're so thankful for the joy these kiddos bring us as we wait and continue to journey through our adoption. Here are a few photos from the past weeks.

All good mealtimes end with making funny faces:

But I like this smile even better:

Karis loves her sunglasses! She doesn't want to take them off, even inside. So here she is at the grocery store, looking casual and cool, just chillin' in the cart while we shop:

Such a cutie!

And here she is being super sweet as she consoles Kai:

Of course, what the picture doesn't reveal is that he's upset because she kept hugging him around the neck and he didn't like it. She was oblivious that she caused the distress that she was trying to console. :) But I love that she wants to comfort him. She is showing a lot of compassion and that's a beautiful quality.

.............................................................

Last year on Halloween we were driving a moving truck to our new home, so this was our first chance for Kai to dress up (you may remember Karis's first Halloween). We've traveled a lot for the adoption and weren't sure we would be in town, so when the 31st rolled around and we were home, we threw together the best costumes we could concoct out of what was in our closets. Here is the result - can you tell who they are???

In case it wasn't obvious, this is Cruella Deville. :) We hesitated at the idea of dressing up our sweet girl like a villain, but she sure made a cute Cruella. :) The red lipstick didn't even last long enough for the pictures, but it made enough of an impact that she's asked for her "whisket" (i.e. lipstick) every day since! She even thanked God for "whisket" in her prayers the other night, along with polka dots and boogies. :)

And here is one of her prized Dalmatians! Kai sat so still while I drew on his puppy face. I took him to the mirror for the big unveiling, thinking he'd love it, but he got really upset. He said, "Spider!" And that's when I realized it does look like a spider on his nose! Haha. Fortunately he was fine as soon as we moved away from the mirror!

Notice the purple sucker in the first photo. And notice that his mouth is blue in the second photo. While I pulled them in the wagon, going from house to house, he happily enjoyed a sucker. It was dark outside and I naively thought it was the same sucker the whole time... until we got home, unloaded the wagon, and found him sitting on FOUR lollipop sticks! We don't give our kids a lot of sugar, so this guy was going strong way past bedtime! :)

I think Karis's love language is going to be quality time. In the past week she's started frequently using the phrase, "With me." i.e. "Kai, wanna look at this book with me, Buddy?" (She patiently repeated this exact sentence probably 20 times, trying to get Kai to look at a catalog we'd gotten in the mail. He was busy looking at his polar bear book, but I joined in and when he finally gave some attention to the new collection of Pandora beads, he found that it was actually slightly interesting. :)

In the photo above, Karis is saying words that she wants Stephen to spell. This game can go on indefinitely. :) And the Elmo costume was a fun 75% off score from the post-holiday sales. :)

Apparently it's really fun to put wet washcloths on your head.

"Wah-koff." It's Kai's thing right now.

He'll cover his face and start running around! He's pretty reckless and we learned the hard way that he would actually run straight into the wall. And more than once! Ouch! So, we have to watch carefully to make sure he doesn't hurt himself. But it brings him so much joy that we go with it and intervene when necessary. :)

Another lesson learned the hard way:

DO NOT set up your picnic near the water where the geese can see you!!

It was a rookie mistake and I should have known better. We almost got attacked by 40 geese (I know because I counted later). They saw our food, started honking loudly and came straight at us. The kids were petrified. They were screaming and clinging to my legs. Somehow I managed to hold one child on each hip, pick up our lunch, grab our bag and make a getaway about 2 seconds before they started pecking our legs. I'm sure it was a hysterical sight. Needless to say, we stayed FAR away from the geese the rest of our time at the park. But I did get this fun pic as we were heading to our car:

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

2 Months: 11 Weeks: 9 Days

2011-11-21T22:33:00.000-06:00

2 Months: Our sweet boy's age

11 Weeks: The amount of time we've been walking through this ordeal

9 Days: Time until our court date, and hopefully the date this is all resolved

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Finally! A new post! :) I'm so sorry it's taken me forever to update you. I've tried several times to write a new post, but I've had a hard time writing what I want to convey. I have so many things on my heart and in my head and the things I'm learning are continuing to develop and form, so when I try to write about them, my words feel unfinished. And since they've felt unfinished, I haven't finished a post! Our situation is unresolved and my emotions are unresolved, which leaves me unable to articulate well. I think this is actually a good place for me to be, because it keeps my focus on trusting God, even over the focus of what I can learn from this experience. The lessons are definitely important to consider, but sometimes I think I look so hard for the lessons (my attempt at control) that I forget to value simple dependence on God. More than learning some lesson that will lead to a "new and improved me" is the importance of growing in trusting God more than trusting myself. "He must increase; I must decrease." John 3:30

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Our son is 2 months old. Almost 10 weeks old, and ten loooong weeks. We never thought this ordeal would stretch out for weeks and months. Missing him and living in the tension of this unresolved mess has in some ways become our new normal... except there's nothing normal about it and we haven't gotten used to it. As time goes by, it doesn't get easier. It continues to wear on us. We miss our son. We're missing out on his life. We've missed his first smile and so many other aspects of his development. For almost a year now we've envisioned him being part of our lives, so even though he hasn't ever actually lived with us, living without him feels like an adjustment.

Emotionally this has been difficult, but thankfully we're not hopeless. We also have reason to be encouraged that the ultimate outcome will be in our favor. The next major event in this process is our court hearing on November 30th.

There's a possibility this could draw out beyond our court date, but we are praying that the judge will experience an urgency to resolve our case THAT DAY. Please pray with us. If a decision is not made that day, this could extend into the new year and although I know God would give us the grace to endure if that happens, we would love to have an answer before then (for our sake, but even more for this little guy's sake).

God graciously reminded me of a verse in Joel 2:25 that talks about the Lord restoring/repaying what has been taken. I was hugely encouraged by the knowledge that God can make up for the time we have lost with our son, and even restore it. We don't know how it will all play out, but we know God will use this situation for good and we believe in His redemption. We pray that His goodness and character will be seen through our story. We are trusting His restoration whatever the outcome.

We also learned that our son has been in the hospital again. He had surgery when he was about 3 weeks old for a digestion issue and has been back to the hospital twice since then. We heard he's doing well now, so that's good news, but we don't have any other details, which is tough. We wish we could be nurturing him through this, but we're thankful to know he's with a good family. I pray all the time that he experiences the depth of our love through his caregivers. Even more, I pray that he's experiencing the depth of God's love. I know God can comfort and nurture him even better than we can.

Thanks again for your prayers and your love for our family. We are so blessed by the support and encouragement you have given as we've walked this road...

Little Man

2011-10-24T17:18:00.001-05:00

Love this sweet smile:

He's continuing to recover really well from his surgery. This was taken a week or so ago. The tape/dressing (I don't know what it's called) is gone now and the incision is healing really well.

He had lots of fun in Uncle Zach's truck.

And he really, really enjoyed the almond butter. Notice it's even on his legs! He discarded the crackers and just ate it with a spoon. I think the somber face was because I wouldn't give him more. :)

We've been blessed by the joy and innocence of our kids during the past several weeks. We are so thankful for them and so blessed to be their parents. Even in the midst of trials, they help us remember all our blessings and bring us so much joy.

We love these kiddos! :)

Happy Girl!

2011-10-24T17:03:00.000-05:00

I love this girl!!!

She's going through a camera-shy phase, so I was excited to get some photos of her happy little face.

My trick? Startle her.

All I did was say, "Boo!" and she thought I was hilarious!

It worked over and over and over again!

Such joy and so contagious.

We're blessed. :)

We Got To See Him

2011-10-19T10:48:00.001-05:00

He’s beautiful.

It was like going back in time and looking at Karis when she was a month old.

We didn’t know he was going to be there. I walked into the courthouse waiting area, saw his sweet little sleeping face, and stopped in my tracks. It took everything in me not to burst into tears and run over and hold him. There was an invisible boundary line, though, so we weren’t able to go to him, and it was obvious we needed to be composed, but nobody stopped us from sitting and staring. And we got to do that for at least 15 precious minutes.

We felt an instant kinship with him. He looks like Karis, so he looks like family. I felt like I already knew him. If we do get to bring him into our home, it seems like adding him to our family will be the most natural thing in the world. Lord, please let it be so…

I mentioned in a previous post that we were assigned a new judge. The baby was also recently assigned an attorney ad litem who is now looking out for his best interest (which we think is great). Because both the judge and the baby’s attorney were new to the case, they didn’t feel comfortable making a decision yesterday, but they are actively researching and working toward a goal of placing him as soon as possible. Unfortunately, “as soon as possible” may not be until our scheduled hearing on November 30^th. Several things are happening between now and then, though, so anything is possible.

I’m still not sure what I can share about our case, but it was interesting to me to hear that the judge made the comment that our case should be used as a question on a law exam – meaning that it’s not an obvious, clear cut case, and that it would stump the students. Comforting, huh? :)

Something that is comforting, though, is that we got to see the couple who is currently caring for our son. They had such kind faces and were so attentive to him. It was good for our hearts to see the baby and to watch him being loved. We were also told that they are wonderful people, and they are Christians who believe that caring for children in need is their call. God is taking care of our baby.

In addition, we learned our son had surgery just over a week ago. :( The issue (which has to do with his gastrointestinal system) is not uncommon. He is recovering and the prognosis is good. We think this also played into why the judge wanted to wait to make a decision, because he wanted to keep the baby near his doctors for follow-up. It was hard to learn about the surgery after the fact, but it was probably easier on our hearts than knowing about the surgery and not being there.

As I was sitting in the waiting room at the courthouse, I was praying and thinking about scripture when it occurred to me that I was doing all the talking. So I paused and said to God that if He had something to say, I wanted to listen. At that moment I looked up and saw a sign that said, “You Gotta Believe.” I just smiled as I was reminded that God is in control. I am very hopeful that this baby will come home with us. Keeping siblings together is important to most legal officials, so that is definitely in our favor. At the same time, I know that God works in mysterious ways and that His ways are higher than our ways. “You Gotta Believe” was a reminder to believe in HIM and to trust Him whether we get our way or not. Again, it brought me back to focusing on Him and not our circumstances. He knows what is best and I do believe that He will accomplish just that.

Prolonged Again

2011-10-17T23:39:00.000-05:00

I'm not able to write a big update right now, and hopefully I'll have more information tomorrow regarding what I'm able to share, but I did want to let you know that a decision regarding placement was not made today.

I'm sad, but not discouraged. I had very much hoped that a decision would be made today and that we would have our son in our arms right now. I am ready for the waiting to be over, but the reasons for the delay are not necessarily negative. We learned some important things today and are hopeful for a positive resolution.

I'll update again as soon as I can.

Thank you SO much for your prayers and encouragement. I know the Lord is in the midst of all these prayers. I said to my Mom recently that no adoption happens in isolation. It impacts the child and family who adopt, but it also impacts the people who journey with the family. You have all been part of our journey. As you pray for us, I'm asking the Lord to use those prayers in your life, as well, and to bless you and reveal His heart to you.

Thank you again. Much love from our family to you...

Hearing Scheduled!

2011-10-16T22:05:00.000-05:00

We learned a few days ago that we have a hearing scheduled for this Monday, the 17th, at 4:30pm. Since I last updated you a few things have happened and this hearing is now with a different judge in a different court, so at this point we aren't having to bring in our character witnesses, etc. There is the definite possibility that a decision about the baby's final placement will be made tomorrow. There is also the possibility that this will end up being yet another step in the process. We are traveling on Monday and would love your prayers for safety as we travel, for the judge as he/she hears the case, for this sweet baby's best interest to be of utmost consideration, and as we've asked before, that truth would prevail. I'm not sure how soon I will be able to update you, but I will do my best to share any news as quickly as possible.

I realize this is vague, so thank you for bearing with me.

We love you and can't thank you enough for your prayers.

Super Trooper

2011-10-06T16:03:00.000-05:00

I wish I had a better camera phone, because this moment was so heartbreaking, but so sweet. Kai, in his little yellow hospital gown and yellow footies, holding Stephen's hand, walking toward surgery, but having no idea what was about to happen:

This was about 7 hours later, as he slept in his hospital room:

And this was 3 days later, while we were visiting a pumpkin patch!

This kid amazes me! He is such a little champ. He slept the rest of the day of his surgery, and was groggy and slept a lot the day after his surgery, but by that afternoon, he was raring to go! He still has a drain (a long tube coming out from under his arm with a container (?? I don't know what to call it) a little larger than a standard light bulb) that we have to empty and keep track of the drainage, and he favors his left arm a little, but you'd never guess he had surgery a week ago. I wish we could all bounce back so quickly! He's happier than ever and still rough and tumble, which makes me nervous at times, but I can't complain. I am so relieved that the surgery is behind us and that he is doing so well.

The doctor was able to remove about 99% of the mass. It was larger and much more infiltrated than the MRI had shown, so it was a very difficult and delicate surgery, and took about 5 hours. The 1% the surgeon chose to leave was involved with the nerves to his arm, so he didn't want to compromise Kai's quality of life for a mass he knew was benign. He was able to remove most of the mass, so he's hopeful that the blood supply to the mass is now gone and it won't be able to grow anymore. We hope so, too!

Thank you so much for your prayers for our little guy. Again, I can't tell you how grateful we are that this is behind us and that it went so well. Thank you, Lord!!

Lessons in Waiting...

2011-10-06T15:37:00.000-05:00

I don't know if the same is true for most people, but waiting has been a major life theme/life lesson for me. I can rattle off numerous seasons where I was left to wait. The reality about waiting is that most likely we're not in control of getting what it is we're waiting for, because if we could control it, we'd grab hold of it and not be waiting anymore. Amen?!? :) I've taught on the topic of waiting several times and one of the things I share is that we may not be in control of getting what it is we're waiting for, but we do have choices in how we handle the time of waiting. If we handle the time of waiting with integrity, it can ultimately be a beneficial time of growth and perspective. But if we try to force things or have an entitled or bitter attitude, we can miss out on what God has for us while we wait.

This is where I'm trying to live: waiting with integrity. Not shutting down my heart, not getting frustrated and bitter, but staying open. Staying open means staying vulnerable, which can hurt more, but I find it's the truest way to live in the midst of pain. I can close off my heart and keep the pain inside to fester, or I can keep my heart open and allow God to minister and work in such a way as to grow my faith in Him and to give me hope in His redemption of even the most difficult circumstances.

All of this to say, we are still waiting in this process of adoption. At this point I'm able to share that the courts are involved and a judge will be deciding where our baby is placed. Our birthmother involved another couple and we both have legal documents releasing the baby to our families. It burdens us to know that one of us will lose the son we love. We never, ever, ever, wanted to fight another family for this baby. We never, ever fathomed this would happen. And if we didn't believe it was the right thing to do, we wouldn't be moving forward. But we still, with all of our hearts, believe that our home is where this baby belongs. He and Karis are full biological siblings, and it makes sense to us that growing up together would be best for both of them. We have walked faithfully with our birthmother for over 8 months (over 2 years since Karis was born) and have been above board in every way. We know that our birthmother didn't choose another family because she was unhappy with us. In fact, we know she thinks we are good parents. However, she made some poor decisions that have put us in a very unfair and difficult situation. We are anticipating a full-blown hearing with testimonies, character witnesses, etc. The judge wanted to make a decision before the baby is a month old, but considering we are still waiting on a date for the hearing, I'm concerned it will not happen that soon.

Please continue to pray with us. More than anything, we are asking that TRUTH comes out. So much shadiness has been going on and fortunately the judge picked up on it at the pretrial. Please pray for wisdom and discernment for the judge. Please pray for wisdom and eloquence for our lawyer and our witnesses. More is going on than is visible on the surface and we are hopeful that God is bringing light into a dark place.

We also ask that you pray for our son. We truly feel a void in our lives without him. More than anything we hope he is being cared for and loved well. Please pray for his young heart to be protected through all of this.

Since we had all of Kai's newborn clothes, I only bought one new outfit in anticipation of our baby. I had a lot of fun picking it out. It was a cute little one-piece that I planned for him to wear home from the hospital... Today I returned it... Even if he comes home with us, he will be too big to fit into it, so it didn't make sense to keep it. But it broke my heart to take it back. It represented pure hope and excitement. Karis saw it and recognized that it was for the baby. She was excited to see it, and my heart hurt even more. She is still expecting a baby. She is too young to understand and I'm so thankful for that. Her youth and innocence are sparing her, at least for now, from the hurt of our current circumstances.

I've run the gamut on emotions, but the past two days I've just felt sad. The longer this drags out, the more distant our son feels. I miss him. We have to keep going and moving forward, but I don't want to get used to life without him. We have so many reasons to hope that he'll ultimately come home with us, but in the end, we don't know. We have no idea how the judge will decide. We are still confident that God is at work and that His purposes will be accomplished. We know that He can bring our son home to us. And we know that if He doesn't, there is purpose in that, as well. God is all about redemption. I don't know how He will redeem this situation, but I believe He will. I don't know what it will look like, but I am hopeful, because I have experienced His character time and time again. My soul finds rest in God alone, for my hope (my expectation) comes from Him. Psalm 62:5 I'm so thankful that my hope doesn't lie in my circumstances, but in a God who has proven His faithfulness.

Thank you again for your prayers, for your love, and for your support. You continue to bless us so much...

Pressing On...

2011-09-23T15:55:00.001-05:00

Dear friends,
Thank you so, so much for your prayers and all the words of encouragement you've sent our way. To say we need it is an understatement. We have been thrown into the craziest, most unexpected trial of our lives. Our stress levels have been high and our heads continue to spin. When we first got news that things were amiss, we were shocked and devastated. However, as more twists and turns are revealed, the initial news now seems tame. We may never know the full story, but we continue to hope in Christ and we find confidence in believing that His plans will prevail.

We still do not have our son and it will be a few more weeks until things are settled. I had hoped this would be over quickly, so it has been disheartening to learn that a longer wait is before us. I'm still not free to share details with you, but here is my prayer request above all:

Please pray that truth will be made evident and

that darkness will be overcome by light.

It appears that this is exactly what God is doing, so we are hopeful in Him. As this drags out, it has been hard for us to relax and be at ease. Please pray for our hearts to rest in the midst of the storm.

In addition, Kai's surgery is next week! Uggh. I was already anxious about his surgery, but surgery on top of adoption drama feels like too much. I know that God will give us the needed strength/endurance, and I know He is the only one who can provide it. Please pray for our precious son, for the medical staff, and for our hearts through this, as well.

I read an email today from friends who are near the end of their long and difficult adoption process. These were her words, "I have been pressed in every area and I know this is the stretching God does in us, that we are capable of so much more in His strength." I resonated with those words. We have been stretched beyond what we ever, ever expected. And though it's been hard, God has strengthened us to continue on. Even though our hope is that this baby comes home with us, we realize this is about more than simply expanding our family. God is up to a lot. We may never understand this fully, but our faith in Him continues to grow. Nothing (ZERO) is in our control with this adoption. That realization pushes us to trust God and remember all He has done to this point. Another friend just emailed Hebrews 13:5 to me, "Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you." In the midst of all that is crazy in our lives, these words ring true. I cannot imagine walking through this trial without the Lord and am so grateful for His presence and His promises.

Still Waiting

2011-09-16T15:27:00.001-05:00

First of all, thank you so much for the prayers you have offered for our family. Thank you for reaching out to us, loving us, and supporting us. You have helped us walk through this and we are so grateful for you.

When I initially posted about our disruption, I was purposely vague and I knew it was possible people may come to some wrong conclusions. However, I'm realizing that a common misconclusion is being made. Suffice it to say, our situation is unique. We are currently waiting, but we ask that you pray that this baby ends up in the family where he belongs. We haven't given up hope and know God can (and will) accomplish all He desires.

I can't tell you a lot about our circumstances, but I can tell you about us. We're exhausted, but hanging in there. Life marches on and responsibilities continue, which can difficult, but overall is helpful. Our kids require lots of attention, so loving on them is a great distraction. We find solace in time together and are cherishing family time.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:6-8

I'm camping out at this passage today. If I let my mind race wild, I can get consumed. I think about our son and the fact that I haven't met him. Even if he does end up in our family, I don't know how long it will be until I do meet him, and it kills me to think that we'll never get these days back. I can easily start to dwell on this and more, and my focus can move from trusting God to worrying. So, instead I'm acknowledging the character of God, thanking Him for all the amazing things He's done up to this point, and presenting my requests to Him. I'm stopping thoughts that aren't beneficial and thinking about things that I know are true, pure, and right. And I truly am experiencing a peace that goes beyond understanding. That doesn't mean I'm watching movies and eating bon bons without a care in the world. But, Jesus is the Prince of Peace. And He is with me. His presence is my peace. His character is my peace. His Word is my peace. He is sustaining me.

So, I take lots of deep breaths. I'm praying constantly. I'm enjoying my kids and I'm being a little more patient with myself. At some point this will all be over and we'll move forward, one way or another. Until then I know God will provide the strength that we need to continue.

I was out running errands with the kids when I learned some significant news. It was weird to continue my tasks as normal, when the things going on in my life were anything but. It made me wonder about all the people around me and the things going on in their lives, things that weren't obvious by looking at them. I recently saw a quote that said, “Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.” I think that's so important to keep in mind...

Thank you again for all your prayers. We love you and will keep you updated as we can.

News From Our Agency

2011-09-14T15:40:00.001-05:00

Things are happening. Our son has been born! We don't know anything about him other than that, but we're hoping he's healthy and doing fine, and praying he's getting loved on. Our birthmother is going to have to make big decisions soon. Regardless of the outcome, good things are happening. We are hopeful and we are very, very prayerful right now. We're also thankful that an end is (please!) in sight. The waiting has been so hard. We hope to know something soon and we'll update you whenever we can. Thank you SO very much for your prayers and for your support and the love you've shown to our family. It means the world!!!

*I hate to even include this, but I'm out of texts for the month! If you want to get in touch, I'd love to hear from you, but if you'd send me a message that would be great! Or you can text Stephen, because his messages are unlimited. :) Thank you so much!

We Don't Have Our Baby

2011-09-13T13:03:00.000-05:00

We thought we were going to meet our baby boy yesterday. We thought that today we'd be holding him, kissing him, getting to know him, and relishing being a family of five.

But it didn't happen.

Yet.

We're still hopeful. We haven't given up. This has been the most difficult experience of our lives and we are spent emotionally. But we're also hopeful.

We don't have a lot of answers. Most of what I could share would be speculation. Simply put, our birthmother backed out, without communication or explanation. We learned the news a few days before we were supposed to leave. We had a few days with little new information and little hope. However, in the past two days we have reconnected with her. We know she is struggling with her decision and we know it had nothing to do with us. We don't think the baby has been born, yet.

It's hard to know what to say. We love this woman and care about her welfare. She's our daughter's birthmother, and we don't want to speak ill of her. I'm purposefully leaving out a lot of details. But to say that she has devastated us in a huge way is an understatement. We feel like our child has been kidnapped. We've prayed every day for 8 months for this baby. We've spent day after day imagining our life with him in it. We are in shock and we are broken.

But through all of this, each day we feel more hopeful. Hopeful in our circumstances, but more accurately, hopeful in the Lord. "Many are the plans in a person's heart. But it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21 We aren't trusting our birthmother to make the right decision. We are trusting the Lord to accomplish His will. That may mean we meet our son soon. Or not. And we will grieve if we never meet him. We will miss him forever. But without a doubt God has been involved in this process. He has guided us and provided for this adoption in the most tangible ways we have ever experienced. We know He has not backed out now. We know that now, in the crisis, God is just as involved as ever. And He is good. And faithful. And He will continue to provide. Honestly, I believe this child belongs in our family. I believe this is the best, safest, most loving place for him to be. And it won't make sense to me if he doesn't end up in our home. But we know that our perspective is tiny in the grand scheme of things. And we've followed Christ for long enough to trust His faithfulness over our own understanding.

We have prayed for the opportunity to share Christ with our birthmother. And we've had more opportunity to do that in the past 2 days than we have in the past two years. If that's what this is all about, then we want God to use us in whatever way He desires.

Please, please, please pray for her. She needs help. Please pray for us. I feel more stable today than I've felt in the past five days, but this is so incredibly hard. It's surreal. We know that a disruption is possible in any adoption. And we had considered the prospect. But we felt more secure in this adoption for several reasons, so this has jolted us in a huge way.

We know God has another child for our family. If we don't get this baby, our agency applies all our fees to another adoption. So we are thankful for that. But right now what we really hope for is THIS baby. This son we've loved and have prayed for so much. I told our birthmother that we will always love him and always pray for him, regardless of who she chooses to parent him. His welfare is what we care about most.

Thank you for your participation in our journey. Thank you for your love and your prayers. We need them and they mean the world to us.

The Big TWO!!

2011-09-06T14:36:00.003-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR GIRL!!!!!

Oh, how we love birthdays at our house!!! This is our third time celebrating the birthday of one of our kids, so it's still very new and exciting. :) I hope we always celebrate birthdays well. I love having the opportunity to celebrate the life of loved ones - I think it should be a big deal! And when I say "big deal," I don't necessarily mean going all out on decorations or gifts (although I do love planning a theme party!). Mostly what I mean is being intentional in letting our kids know how much we love them: the specific things about them that make us proud, bring us joy, and enrich our lives. Even though Karis may not fully understand what I mean when I share these things with her, I'm confident she can feel it. And that is what birthdays should be all about!

Since we have a few things going on right now ;) I decided to keep her party low key and low stress, which was great. We taught Karis how to blow out "canuls" and she loved it! We even let her do it a few times (you can barely see the spirally hot pink candles on her two mini-cupcakes). Her cousin Easton was happy to help!

We took a photo like this last year. Thanks, Mom, for reminding us and helping us to continue the tradition!!

Our happy little family of four!

In some ways I can't believe Karis is already two, but I can't deny that she definitely seems like a two-year-old. She is talking up a storm, putting on her own clothes and shoes, making all kinds of decisions, bossing Kai around :) and climbing all over the place! She is learning to be responsible and careful and to follow instructions. She isn't a baby anymore, she's definitely a little girl.

Karis has nouns mastered and is moving on to full sentences and expressions of emotion. A few weeks ago we were going to visit the "real" baby Walker and when I told her, she started dancing around her room saying, "Mommy, Karis EXCITED!" :) It's so fun to be able to have conversations with her and to learn what's going on in her sweet little head. Here are some of my favorite Karis-isms:

"Bye, Mommy. See yoom!" --- She says as she picks up my purse, puts on my shoes, and heads for the door, asking to ride in the "ban." (aka van) :)

Sigh-per - aka pacifier

Sipsoop - swimsuit

Warshkoth - washcloth

Hunnis - hummus

... and so many more that I wanted to remember for this post, but that aren't coming to mind right now!

She's also constantly saying, "Watch, Mommy!" or "Watch, Daddy!" and even "Watch, Kai!" She then proceeds to jump, or dance in circles, or stand with one leg in the air. She's quite impressed with herself. :) And we are appropriately impressed, as well. (Except for Kai, who has yet to grasp the importance of oohhing and ahhing over toddler tricks). :)

Another thing we're hearing quite often: "Kaaaaiiii, no sir!"

(I wonder where she got that??)

Our little girl is so fun. She is full of spunk and compassion and curiosity. She is a light to our lives.

We can't wait for MANY more birthdays to celebrate!!!

We Have A Winner!!!!

2011-09-02T22:37:00.000-05:00

And the winner of the painting by Casey Wiegand is..........

Joani from Tulsa!

CONGRATULATIONS, JOANI!!!!!

And once again, a HUGE THANK YOU to Casey Wiegand for donating her beautiful artwork to support our adoption!

As of this evening, we have been given (almost to the dollar) what we need to cover our adoption expenses!!!!!!! We are so grateful and amazed by God's provision and by your participation and investment in our family and in the life of our birthmother. We are truly humbled by your love and sacrificial giving. I wish I could personally hug each of you and look into your eyes and say a heartfelt "Thank you." We have cried and been so encouraged by your support and the love you've expressed through your giving.

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now..." Philippians 1:3-5

You have truly been a tangible expression of the gospel to us.

"The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it."

**To ensure that the drawing would be fair and unbiased, I used the random sequence generator from random.org. If you have any questions at all about how this was conducted, please feel free to ask!!!

Last Chance!!!

2011-09-02T16:46:00.004-05:00

Hi Friends!

Today is the LAST DAY for you to donate toward this beautiful painting by Casey Wiegand!!! So far the painting has raised $1230 toward our adoption!!! Woo Hoo!!! I'll announce the winner tonight, but you have up until 7pm (cst) to donate if you want to be the owner of this one-of-a-kind piece of art! And again, THANK YOU to everyone who has donated. God is using you to help provide for our baby (and to minister to our birthmother). We appreciate it more than you know! :)

The texture on this painting is so cool!

If you'd like to give, please scroll up to click on the "DONATE" button on the top right!!
A $5 donation is worth one opportunity, a $10 donation is worth 3, and $20 is worth 7! If you'd like to donate more, opportunities will increase accordingly.

Thanks again!!!

Soon, Soon, Soon!!!

2011-09-02T16:45:00.000-05:00

COUNTDOWN: We will meet our sweet baby boy in just over a week!!!

I've been busy sorting through Kai's newborn clothes and washing them to get ready for our new baby! I realize that doing laundry may not sound super exciting (and normally I find it less than fascinating) but pulling out those teeny, tiny sleepers and onesies brought back sweet memories of when Kai was a newborn and, at the same time, made me SO excited for the day (very soon!) that I'll get to put those very clothes on our new little guy. When you adopt, the actions of preparing for a baby are so important in connecting yourself to your little one. We obviously talk about our baby and pray for him daily, but something about doing things really helps connect us to the reality that a new child is joining our family. The actions are always important, but I think they're even more so when you adopt. I am so eager to meet him! I can't wait to see what he looks like (I wonder if he'll look like Karis?) and I really, really can't wait to simply hold him. I'm not sure there are many things better than holding a newborn and feeling their warmth close to your heart...

I've said this before, but I cannot believe how quickly the time has passed. This journey to our little guy has been amazing.

In the meantime we've been trying to do more AND trying to do less! We're taking advantage of opportunities to go to the pool or the park or on bike rides (thanks to a friend who generously gave us this bike trailer!) since those things will be harder to do with a newborn. At the same time, we've tried to slow our schedule down and enjoy being home,

as well. Our summer was so busy that we needed a little time to recover.

And, we have an exciting weekend ahead!

Our favorite girl is turning TWO!!!!!

We're keeping things simple, but there will be PINK cupcakes (her favorite color) and there will be GUACAMOLE (her favorite food) and there will be CHEESE (her other favorite food)! :)

Here she is reading her birthday card from her cousin "Wy-white." It's so hard to get good pictures of her these days, unless I'm trying to get an action shot. :)

We love you, Karis!!!

A Few Updates

2011-08-22T23:23:00.003-05:00

First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has bid on Casey's Painting!!! We are so blessed and grateful for all of you who have donated! We still have a week and a half until the drawing, so we'd love for you to continue to share with your family and friends!!

Confession: I'm afraid I got ahead of myself when I announced awhile back that Stephen and I had made a decision on a baby name. I don't know about you other married couples, but Stephen and I have this thing where we talk about an issue and I leave the conversation thinking we've made a decision, but Stephen leaves the conversation thinking we're still in process of making a decision. It's happened several times over the years, both on small things and big things. Fortunately, we've gotten to the point that when we realize this has happened again, we mostly laugh at it. So that's what we did when the name subject came up and it became obvious that we had not decided on a name! We have 3 top names and 2 front-runners. Stephen prefers one and I prefer another. So, this may be one of those "We'll wait and decide on a name when we see what he looks like" situations. So, I'm sorry to keep you waiting. However, if we do come to a decision beforehand, I'll definitely announce it here!

And Just For Fun:

These little bath robes were hand-me-downs from a friend. I randomly found them this week and used them at bathtime, laughing when I put them on and they were obviously too small. The kids didn't mind, though. They ran through the house giggling and giddy as they danced around in their fun robes. It was so cute! Karis has asked to put the robe on for the past 3 days straight! :)

Karis is big into watching me put on my make-up and when I use moisturizer, she wants to put "keen" (aka cream) on her face, too. I typically share a little dab and let her rub it on her face. However, I never share as much as she would like. :) After a day when we used cream to help the hurt of a diaper rash and then a different cream to ease the itch of mosquito bites, Karis had an epiphany. If something hurts, naturally she should get some keen to put on it! So if she pinches her finger in a door, she gets a pained look on her face and urgently asks for keen. Or if she bumps her head, it's a definite time for keen. But she's not selfish in her requests for keen. I got a sunburn a few days ago and when she jumped on my back I winced and told her, "Mommy's back hurts because I have a sunburn." She looked at me with all sincerity and said, "Mommy, keen." So I got out my aloe vera and wouldn't you know it, she rubbed it on so gently that I let her do it again that night!! :) Unfortunately, she's not discriminating about which kinds of cream she puts on her face. I've had to watch carefully because she's tried everything from diaper rash ointment to hair gel!

Surgery is Scheduled

2011-08-22T22:34:00.000-05:00

Well, we got disheartening news regarding Kai. :( We met with his surgeon today and the mass is definitely more extensive than he expected. It's growing inward, between the muscles of his chest and curling up around his collarbone. So what we can see and feel is only a small portion of it. It looks like it has blocked a vein and it's near several nerve endings and blood vessels. The doctor obviously wants to get all of it so the surgery will be pretty intricate, possibly involving cutting his collarbone. There are risks that come with any surgery and some possible long term effects. Obviously, we're praying for a full and complete recovery with no long term effects and the doctor seems hopeful of this, but a lot depends on what he finds when he begins the surgery.

We are also disappointed that we weren't able to schedule the surgery until the end of September. We were hoping to have it soon and that Kai would have time to recover before our new baby is born. It'll be a little harder to balance a newborn, a hospital stay, and a recovery, but this is what we have before us and we're trusting that God will provide.

Fortunately our little guy doesn't seem to be experiencing any problems related to the mass. He has no problems using his arm and isn't in pain. He's a tough little guy and bounces back quickly, so we're hoping the same will be true for this surgery and recovery. We would value your prayers for the surgeon and for our little guy. We'll keep you updated.

Casey Wiegand's Beautiful Painting!!!

2011-08-17T00:04:00.000-05:00

Meet Casey Wiegand:

And her beautiful family:

Please take time to check out Casey's blog. I love reading it daily!

Casey is an amazing artist. And on top of that, she is an incredible, authentic, giving person.

Beautiful inside and out.

Even though she doesn't know our family, she generously shared her artistic talents and donated this incredible painting for our family to use to raise funds for our adoption! A mutual friend shared our story with her and just a few days later she had a painting for us!

We are beyond grateful that she has chosen to bless us in this way. We are less than a month from the birth of our son and are $3200 away from the total we need for our adoption. In addition, we heard from Kai's doctor today and I think it's safe to say that he will need surgery. The doctor said the mass/lesion is "extensive" and he is going to confer with the radiologist and another surgeon. :( Needless to say, we have a lot of expenses coming up.

So, this is the perfect opportunity to ask you to give - with the possibility of getting something amazing in return!

I have added a "DONATE" button on the right. Each person who donates to our adoption will have an opportunity to become the proud owner of this painting! You can donate using the button on the right or by sending a check (contact me if you want to do it this way). A $5 donation is worth one opportunity, a $10 donation is worth 3, and $20 is worth 7! If you'd like to donate more, opportunities will increase accordingly.

If everyone who typically reads my posts donates $5 each, we'll have over $1000!

And you may become the proud owner of an ORIGINAL piece of artwork by Casey Wiegand!

This is a 24 x 24 mixed media piece on birch plywood.

So many of you have already been amazingly generous, so the last thing we want to do is ask more of you. We trust your hearts so no need to feel obligated. But if you want to give, know that we are beyond grateful!

Art donations will be accepted until Friday, September 2nd.

We'll make the big announcement that day!

Please pass this on to your friends! We appreciate it so much!

And don't forget to check out Casey's blog! You'll be glad you did!! :)

Counting Down!!!

2011-08-15T23:09:00.001-05:00

We still don't have an exact date scheduled for the C-Section, but at the latest, our little guy should be here in 4 weeks!!! Can you believe it?!? We are counting down the days and can't believe we're sooo close to meeting our newest little guy! I think having two one-year-olds to keep us busy has helped the time pass quickly. :) It's funny how we're more relaxed this time around. We keep asking each other, "Should we be doing something more to prepare for this baby??" We talk about him and pray for him all the time, but since we've gone through this twice (and pretty recently) we have all the paraphernalia and we feel more prepared. It's not nearly as overwhelming to prep for a third. Now, notice I said prep. Once our sweet boy gets here we realize the word "overwhelmed" might sneak into our vocabulary on occasion. :)

Thank you to Nana for these sweet pictures of Karis and baby Drew (Stephen's cousin's baby). Our favorite girl was enamored. She examined Drew's little hands and toes and kissed them over and over. It was so precious and made my heart swell for the day that she meets and kisses her new baby brother. She is such a little mommy. I've shared how she takes good care of her doll, Baby Walker, and any nurturing instincts I saw a few months ago have only continued to develop and magnify as she matures. The way that she talks to Kai cracks us up. She's constantly pointing interesting things out to him, "Kai-Kai, see fish?" and correcting him, "Kai-Kai, no touch, Karis!" (Interpretation: Kai, don't touch that. It's mine!) She wants to be involved in everything. I think I'm going to have my hands full simply protecting the new baby from his big sister's affections. :)

A few weeks ago our family made a trip to visit our birth mother. When we committed to adopting again, our birth mother asked if we would be open to bringing Karis for a visit (since Karis's birth, our only contact has been through the photos we send regularly, which is what she requested). Stephen and I had talked about the possibility even before she asked, and we both agreed that we wanted to do it.

There's so much that I could say about our time together, but it's hard to put such an important experience into words. It feels sacred in a way, so I want to keep most of the details just for our family. However, I think it's important to share that it was a really special, meaningful time. It went incredibly well and we are so thankful for those shared hours. It's a blessing that we've gotten to know Karis's birth mother and we loved that she got a chance to see how amazing Karis is. It was heartwarming for Stephen and I to see her love on our daughter. Her daughter... my daughter... our daughter. A friend asked ahead of time if I felt threatened by the prospect of Karis spending time with her birth mother. I really didn't. That's not to say I wasn't emotional or nervous, but it didn't make Karis feel less "mine." Our birthmother is an important part of our daughter's story and we aren't afraid of that. Sometimes I'm sad that life is complicated and broken, but I certainly don't wish our circumstances were different, because we would have missed out on so much.

As a side note, I've had people share that when they are considering adoption, sometimes they're hesitant about domestic adoption because of the possibility of a birth mother's involvement. I understand and honestly had some fears myself regarding this dynamic of adoption. But these women are just women. They're not scary, they're brave. And hurting. And having the chance to love them is an honor. God provides for the circumstances He calls you to. If you're considering adopting and have questions you'd like to ask about birth mothers, please feel free to ask. I'd love to encourage you and answer honestly...

(By the way, I don't promote domestic adoption over international adoption - I think both are amazing. Different options are fits for different families. I'm supportive of anyone who wants to love a child who needs a home!!!)

Six Years!!

2011-08-13T14:53:00.000-05:00

Six years ago on this day I married the love of my life. I can't believe it's been six years already, but on the other hand, it feels like we've always been together. I can't imagine life without him and I don't want to! Stephen is an amazing man: a servant who consistently puts others first, a man of integrity and compassion. He makes me laugh and he is an amazing daddy. He is so intentional with our kids, so engaged. The first time we hung out together was when we were both invited to dinner at some friends' house (The Thompsons, who can't remember if they were trying to set us up or not ;). I remember watching Stephen play so naturally with their kids and even though it was another year before our relationship began, that moment stood out to me in a significant way.

On our wedding day:

On our honeymoon in Cabo:

On our first anniversary we climbed our first "14er" in Colorado - it was a big accomplishment to commemorate another big accomplishment! :)

Oh, how we miss Colorado! Maybe someday we'll live there again...

And this is just a random fun pic. This was one of our days at WORK, believe it or not!

Our first day as parents. The day we met our daughter. There just aren't words to describe such an amazing day...

Thrilled to be a family of FOUR!!!! Our children came to us in different but equally spectacular ways. Love this little guy so much!

And in just a few weeks we'll get to add a photo of our family of FIVE!!! Can't wait for that picture! :)

As I was looking through iPhoto to find pics for this post I was taken back to so many memories we've had together. There are a ton of pictures I'd love to add to this post, but I thought you might have other things to do today besides look at photos of Stephen and me. :) Memory lane is so fun, though. I like to visit it often. We have so many moments that I treasure and we've only been together a few years. I am so thankful for our past, our present, and so eager for our future together. I love you, Stephen!!!

Second Time Around...

2011-08-10T14:48:00.001-05:00

I love these photos of Stephen and Kai. Our kids are blessed with such a great Daddy...

If you look closely at Kai's collarbone in the above photo, you can see the scar from his surgery last summer. You may also be able to tell that there's a bump there again. We noticed several months ago that the bump was coming back and the doctor has been watching it. We knew that if it were to return, it would most likely happen within a year. When the doctor did the biopsy last summer, he left a small piece of the mass because it was near a major blood vessel and he didn't want to risk removing it if it wasn't necessary. When it was determined that the mass was benign, the doctor didn't go back to remove the rest. It's possible that the bump is simply scar tissue, but I think it's more likely that the piece that was left has continued to grow.

Yesterday Kai had an MRI so the doctor can determine what the bump is and how involved it is, if it is indeed a recurrence of the mass (i.e. Is it growing around the bone? Is it attached to the major blood vessel?). Depending on what the MRI shows, we may be facing surgery again, and more involved surgery than the last time. It's much less stressful this time around, knowing that the mass is not cancer. However, it's still hard. Going to the children's hospital is always difficult for me. It takes me back to the emotions of last summer when we faced the possibility of cancer in our 5-month-old son. And sitting in the waiting room (where Kai is probably the healthiest kid) also causes me to hurt for the children and parents whose situations are much harder than ours. Kai had to miss two meals because of his MRI. I woke him up at 5am to get him to eat at the last possible moment and packed all kinds of snacks so he could eat immediately after the procedure to minimize any hunger he might feel. While he was eating his garlic and cheddar biscuit (the only thing that appealed to him at 5am!) I suddenly thought of all the mothers in the world whose children are starving. There I was fretting about two missed meals when so many children have missed way more than that. My heart has gone out to those children, but I never put myself in their mothers' shoes before. It has to be heartbreaking. It was a perspective shift and reminded me just how good we have it.

Kai had to be sedated for the MRI and the drugs they used have a long half-life, so he slept a lot when we got home and was pretty tipsy when he was awake. He wasn't allowed to walk (to protect him from falling and hurting himself) which was a little challenging at times, but mostly it was very welcomed because it gave me extra reason to slow down and cuddle with my boy. We should hear results from the MRI by the end of this week. We're hoping that if he does need surgery that we can have it done before the baby is born.

If you think of us, we'd love your prayers for Kai.

I'm Back!

2011-08-10T14:34:00.000-05:00

How in the world is it August already?!? Please forgive the lack of posting last month. We've gone out of town 6 of the last 7 weekends! It's been a lot for us to to keep up with, but that also means I have a lot to share with you! So there will be a few more posts to follow soon!

I shared in July about our last visit with Stephen's grandma. Three weeks after our time with her she passed away. It was a sad and obviously difficult time for the family, but her funeral was also a sweet time of honoring her life. She is greatly missed.

We're already thankful for our families, but that gratitude is magnified in times of loss. And in the moments of grief, our children were such a bright spot. Their innocence and joy are good for the soul and we enjoyed the time we had with cousins and children of cousins.

Here is a pic of Karis and Kai with Stephen's sister's little boy, Wyatt. Wyatt is 4 months older than Karis, so they're all good buddies. :)

Wyatt has some fun water toys and the kids cooled off in the summer heat playing in what Karis calls "the rain."

Nana got Karis some fun shoes and jewelry! They continue to be a hit!

This next one may go down as a classic. I think it's so funny! We wanted to let them play outside before it got too hot, so the boys are still in their pajamas and somehow Karis is in between p.j.'s and getting dressed. They all wanted to wear these boots and they couldn't any look cuter. :) Poor Karis still has bed head - I hope she forgives me for all these bad hair days when she gets old enough to care. And I think Kai fell down the moment he tried to take a step in Aunt Stephanie's wellies!

The kids had lots of fun playing "Ring Around The Rosie" with Papa Joe!

And here is a fun pic of Nana reading to Karis and Wyatt:

We can't wait for the next time we see Stephen's family -- it will be when they come to meet our new little guy! Woo Hoo!

Our Baby Right Now

2011-07-06T16:42:00.000-05:00

This is approximately what our little guy looks like right now! The past few months have gone by so quickly. It amazes me. I signed up on babycenter.com to get updates of his development each week. I love how this connects me to our son. I'm praying for him as he continues to grow and develop and I can't wait to hold him in my arms.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14

Swirling Thoughts

2011-07-06T16:03:00.002-05:00

I have a lot on my mind tonight. I have a lot on my mind most of the time, but tonight those thoughts feel more urgent. I remember being a college junior and trying to decide on a major -- yes, still as a junior!! At that age I couldn't describe myself as a passionate person. I had yet to discover what I was passionate about. Knowing what I'm passionate about is no longer a problem. Knowing how to direct that passion is the question. What do I DO? How can I make my life count? These are the questions I ponder and these are the questions that create the urgency. I have a conviction, a need to live a life filled with purpose and meaning. Faith without works is useless. (James 2:20) My actions don't make me a faith-filled person. But my hope is that my faith translates to days filled with intention and action.

*Loss. Legacy.
Stephen's grandma was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and she is failing quickly. We just returned from seeing her for what will most likely be the last time. I have lost loved ones before, but I've never said goodbye before - never known that it was most likely my last goodbye, the final words and final moments with a loved one. It's heartbreaking. Words feel so limited and the moments too fleeting. But what I'm considering now is not the final moments we had together, but ALL the moments we had together. All those moments add up to one sweet legacy of a very special woman. I've only known Stephen's grandma for 6 years, but I experience her legacy daily in the love and faith and character of my husband. Her life has impacted mine in a big way. And her legacy continues through Karis and Kai, as it also continues through all of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

As I ponder, I'm left with this:

I want to leave a legacy. I want to live a life of faith and hope and love and passion. Not because I want people to remember ME, but because I want people to be impacted by my life in a way that points to a loving, faithful, redemptive God. I want to do more than collect treasures on earth that make me comfortable or make me feel important. I want to add meaning and value to the relationships I have. As my life intersects with the lives of others, I don't want to be a neutral person just passing through. I want to love deeply and give love sacrificially.

I have a long way to go, but today is my focus and I'm trying to make it count.

Home Visit : Check!

2011-06-30T23:40:00.001-05:00

A friend of ours took this as we were leaving church on Father's Day. Don't our kids look so big?? It's rare to have a candid moment of the four of us captured, so I thought it was fun that he took it! (Notice Baby Walker in Karis's arm.) This photo has nothing to do with the rest of my post, but all posts are made better by pictures, don't you think? :)

Tuesday we had the home visit portion of our home study. I actually really enjoy the process of the home study interviews and meetings. I'm such a verbal processor and Words of Affirmation is one of my love languages, so it's fun to answer questions (and hear Stephen's answer to questions) like, What is your spouse's greatest strength? and Why, when so many marriages fail, do you think your marriage is working? and When your kids grow up and leave your home, what are some things you hope they leave with? I'm so blessed to be married to such an incredible man and so thankful that we share the same values in marriage and parenting. I think it's good to really hash out our goals in parenting, too. I love the conversations that help us stay intentional with one another and with our children, even if those conversations happen with a social worker in the room taking notes! :)

I've thought for many years now (since before we became adoptive parents) that I would love to conduct home studies for adoptive families. I really hope that someday I can get involved with adoption on other levels, as well.

Our birth mother is 28 weeks pregnant! The time is flying and it will be September before we know it. Have I mentioned that I can't wait?!? :) Woo Hoo! AND we may have chosen a name, which is a HUGE accomplishment for us. I won't announce anything until we've decided for sure, so I'm going to leave you hanging a little longer. :)

And just for fun:

Karis got some wellies!

She loves her cousin Avery's rain boots, so I was excited to find these super cheap and in the size she'll wear next Spring.

She is lovin' her boots!

...And she isn't the only one lovin' her boots!

(To avoid future blackmailing, the wearer of said boots shall remain anonymous.)

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!

On their tippy toes looking out the window to watch Daddy mow. :)

Popsicle Progression

2011-06-22T22:35:00.001-05:00

I love all of the "firsts" I get to enjoy with my kids. Simple things that I take for granted are grand adventures to them. These two remind me every day to take notice and enjoy the small things. And I love how they constantly surprise me. For instance, this week I gave our little ones popsicles for the first time. I was sure they would love them. And ultimately, they did. But the experience went a little like this:

It was a warm day, so right after nap time we headed outside. We started out by stripping down because I knew to expect a mess!

I opened the popsicles and as soon as I handed one to Kai, he was all over it - no hesitation whatsoever. Karis, however, started out a little tentative. I love the look on her face in this pic!

Kai continued slurping away. Karis slowly progressed by touching it to her lips, still unsure that she was ready to actually taste it:

"Kai, sickle?" Kai seemed to be enjoying his, so Karis asked if he wanted hers.

Kai was so intent on his own popsicle that he ignored Karis. Even as she pressed it to his face. :)

Okay, okay, I'll test this thing out:

Mmmm, not too bad!

(All the while Kai is sucking his down)

[Time elapse] Oh, but wait... look at the little hand with the cleaned off popsicle stick. And notice that Kai is still working on his popsicle. Yep, once she tasted that sticky sweetness, Karis was hooked. She finished it off in no time flat! Then she tried to trade popsicle sticks with Kai! Haha, but he was smart enough to realize that wouldn't have been a good deal for him. :) So popsicles were a hit! We'll definitely be enjoying them again soon!!

Lovin' the sticky, messy tummy on my boy!

Watchin' A Little "Praise Baby"

2011-06-14T08:04:00.001-05:00

Karis and Kai were just chillin' at Grandma and Grandpa's house, watching Praise Baby before bedtime...

... when Uncle Zach thought it would be funny to join them and watch, too:

Then Daddy came along and decided to take it one step further:

And my favorite...

Haha. :) Who needs a shirt, anyway.

Karis being Karis

2011-06-02T00:26:00.001-05:00

I love these eyes! So much life, so much joy in her sweet face. My girl is growing fast, too. A few days ago I was on the phone and Karis (who likes to get into mischief the second I answer the phone) ran up the stairs to our bedroom. I followed her up there only to find that she had used the potty - all by herself! I bought a potty a few months ago, and it's been sitting in our bathroom, but we haven't made a big deal of it or even started "training." So I guess this means it's time!

Meet Baby Walker:

Baby Walker is wearing pink and Walker is traditionally a boy name. But none of this matters when you're not quite two and absolutely taken with a real life baby named Walker (my cousin's son). Karis loves the real life Walker and talks about him all the time. Two weeks ago this baby doll suddenly went from simply being called "Baby" to "Baby Walker." And with the new name has come extra attention and nurturing. It's been really fun to watch her do things like share food with her baby, wipe its nose, and wrap it in a blanket and put it in bed for a nap. Once, she dropped Baby Walker down the stairs. With a worried voice she called out, "Okay, baby? Okay??"

Baby Walker apparently deserves special treatment, too. If Karis wants something and I tell her no, then she'll tell me Baby Walker wants it. :) And if she's hesitant about something (like touching a leaf), I'll let Baby Walker test it out so Karis can see that it's safe. Today Baby Walker got decorated with a "Boo Kerr" (i.e. "blue color" crayon). Baby Walker is definitely showing signs of being loved!

In other news, Karis is working hard at putting on her own clothes. She didn't have a lot of luck with these newborn size shorts, especially since she had both legs through the same hole... but she sure looked cute trying! (Notice Baby Walker - always there!)

She still loves to dress up! She wants to choose her own clothes. And which bows we put in her hair, and the radio station we listen to in the car, and which cup she uses at mealtimes. No doubt this kid has opinions... :)

Gotta love these free return address labels we get in the mail. Karis calls them "sickers" and asks for them daily!

Karis mimics us a lot. And Kai mimics Karis! It's making me pay more attention to what I do and say. But when I talk on the phone I'm pretty sure I'm not nearly as dramatic as she is! She has some lively conversations!

We recently got together with my extended family and Karis went to town with this little push toy! She was like the Energizer Bunny: she kept going, and going, and going. As she pushed she'd go faster and faster and her face would beam with pure exhilaration. I tried so hard to capture it. I'd run ahead of her and pull out my camera, but she'd pass me before it got into focus! I wish I could have captured it - it was PURE joy.

However, one can only keep going and going and going so much until this happens:

A few pushes by Daddy and she was out.

The exact same thing happened at Stephen's parents' over Easter. :)

..................

Just as cute asleep as she is awake!

Love Is Rising

2011-05-30T14:27:00.000-05:00

Hey Friends! Please take a moment to check out this great etsy shop:

Love Is Rising Etsy

Some friends of ours are in the process of adopting and ALL PROCEEDS help support their adoption!

Great vintage inspired jewelry:

Fun accessories:

And cool t-shirts!

They're trying to get a bulk pre-order on the t-shirts by this Friday, so if you're interested in helping, they would be blessed!

You can check out their blog, too. Love Is Rising. More details there!!

Thanks for looking!

Kai Being Kai

2011-05-29T22:38:00.000-05:00

Our little guy is growing up. He has been for awhile :) but lately he's seeming so much older. It may sound funny that I consider him my baby when he's only 5 months younger than Karis, but when they're this little, five months makes a difference. And even if your baby is only five months younger than your big kid, he's still your baby. :) So the past few days I've been feeling sad as it's becoming obvious my boy is leaving the baby stage. He's hitting some markers that scream toddler. He's doing it effortlessly and happily, totally unaware that Mommy is watching, feeling nostalgic, and savoring what may be some lasts. Karen Kingsbury wrote a children's book about how we rejoice in all the firsts, but so often we don't realize the lasts when they happen. They can pass by unnoticed as our children naturally move to the next phase. Kai is precious and I love this stage, but all the same, I'm feeling sad. I think it's a good thing I have another baby to anticipate. :)

With that said, here are some fun things my little guy is doing now:

Kai is on the go!! He's developing lots of personality and learning all sorts of new tricks. His newest thing is sneaking into the pantry or refrigerator whenever I open the door, swiping some random item and racing to his room where he hides behind the glider! i.e. Notice the BBQ sauce he's holding in this pic. He thinks he's so funny! :) I've only seen Dora once (for now!) but it makes me think of "Swiper, no swiping!!"

Rocks. He still loves 'em. How is a hard, dirty rock more appealing than a green bean?! I struggle to get him to eat vegetables, and I struggle to keep him from eating rocks. I don't get it.

He thought he was so big when I let him eat a banana out of the peel. Guess it was still too early to try that one! And doesn't he look cute with juice all over his face?

And speaking of "all over his face..." He LOVES guacamole. Both of my kids do. Most of us love guacamole on tortilla chips or on tacos or on something. Not Kai. He eats it from a spoon. Any other way is just a waste of food, because he'll suck it off and discard the rest. And this boy really gets into his guacamole. Notice the glob on his shoulder, not to mention the mustache!!

Yep. Lots of personality.

And could he be any cuter doing his little dance??

We started out singing, "Head, shoulders, knees, and toes..." but along the way Kai turned it into something more akin to the hokey pokey. :)

I love this picture! My dad took it. Kai was looking out the window at their dog. He loves dogs. After "Mama," dog was his first word. Unfortunately, he says dog way more often than he says mama. But at least he doesn't use them interchangeably!

Gotta love the father/son photos!

And his signature "scrunchie face!"

Love this boy!!!

Partners in Crime

2011-05-27T16:57:00.001-05:00

I left the room for maybe 30 seconds today. Just before I walked out, I set a bowl of Cheerios on top of the table. When I came back this is what I found! When I left the room that small box on the floor was on top of the microwave box. Somehow my little munchkins were able to get the small box off the big one, then use it as a step so they could reach the Cheerios from the big box! Seriously?! This scared me and it impressed me! They're ONE. I have a feeling we're in for a lot more as these two get older.

p.s. I realize Karis's hair is a little crazy in this picture. This was before we fixed her hair today. :)

These two are in cahoots and it keeps me on my toes, but I LOVE that they have each other. They're buds. Karis's favorite moment of each day is when she hears "Kai-Kai" wake up and we go in his room to get him. She laughs and runs to his crib, waving and saying, "Hi, Kai-Kai. Hi!"

Some of my favorite sibling moments lately:

*The last few trips to the grocery store have cracked me up as Karis looks at every person we pass and if they make eye contact with her, she'll pat Kai's back and say, "Kai-Kai" as if she's introducing him.

*A few days ago Kai was running in circles around the kitchen, just playing and laughing. Somehow Karis got the idea that he was chasing her. So they were both running around in circles laughing and squealing, Karis jubilant that she was being chased, and Kai clueless that he was the chaser!

*Kai is starting to say lots of words, but my favorite new word he's saying is "Kiki" a.k.a. Karis!

In other news, we got a new microwave (hence the box in the first pic)! I didn't think I used the microwave much, but ours stopped working this week and suddenly I was rendered helpless at mealtime. How did people reheat leftovers before microwaves??? :)

Happy Friday!!!!!!

One of My Mottos

2011-05-25T15:06:00.000-05:00

I love this saying. I used to have it on a magnet, but I gave it away as an encouragement to a friend. A different friend, knowing that I loved it, gave it back to me on a mug.

I love this mug. :)

I love how it reminds me not to base my decisions or my actions on fear. Back in the day I prided myself on being brave. And if brave means jumping into a lake off a 30' cliff or barrelling down a mountain before I really knew how to ski, then maybe I was brave (or stupid! :) But many years ago now, I began to recognize that "brave" applies to more than just adventurous pursuits. I started to see that a lot of my decisions were based on fear: What will people think of me if I _____? Will I be able to stay in control if I ____? Will I look successful if I try ____? You can fill in the ____ with all sorts of things. I worked really hard to keep my life just so, meaning I wanted to make sure everything stayed comfortable and manageable. Comfortable and manageable aren't bad, but sometimes they're contradictory to what I really want. Like truly living, being obedient to God, experiencing Him, becoming, giving, doing all those things for which I was put on this earth.

Fear was my motivator for wanting comfort and control. And the more I became aware of how present fear was in my life, the more I became convinced that I wanted it gone. "Perfect love casts out fear." I wanted to know Perfect Love in such a close way that HE was my primary motivation for everything and fear wouldn't get a say in my decisions or actions.

(This isn't to say that fear can't be healthy or maybe even right. The way I think of it is that if fear causes me to seek the Lord, trust Him, and grow, then it can be productive fear. But if fear paralyzes me or propels me in the wrong direction, then I want no part of it.)

God has used lots of things to help me let go of my fears. And as I get older and follow Him longer, I find myself letting go faster because as I look at my journey thus far, I can't deny that He has been beyond faithful. As we moved forward with adopting Karis, we had a lot of fears. The people around us had fears, too, and frequently shared them with us. Sometimes I think others are uncomfortable if you're not afraid of something they fear. So it can be hard to stand firm in confidence when God has called you to something that appears risky or doesn't make logical sense. BUT, following Him is oh so worth it. Recently a friend of mine referred me to a blog. The author is an adoptive parent and one of the things she said just pierced my heart,

"As Cooper [her adopted son] played soccer today in the back yard giggling with my other kids, I could feel God whispering to me….

What if you had been too afraid to obey me? Look at what you would have missed."

"Look at what you would have missed."

I can't tell you how many times Stephen and I have been playing with Karis, laughing at one of her antics or marveling at her brilliance, and looked over at each other and said, "...And to think we were worried?!?" We had so many fears as we moved through the process of adopting. A lot of them. But bigger than our fears was the confidence that this was God's plan for our family. We were literally doing things every day that scared us. But as we did, we found ourselves less fearful and more peaceful.

All of our worry over Karis was wasted. She's not just okay. She's AMAZING! And we look at Kai and the emotions well up equally. He's AMAZING, too! Seriously. There is no bias in these statements at all!! :) All those years of aching for a child of our own, wondering what our future held, and God not only had one child, but He had TWO. We thought that story was cool, but just like Him, He was writing something even more than we imagined. Now we have a story for baby #3 that isn't too shabby, either! :)

So as I read that blog, I thought about our lives and what we would have missed if we'd been too afraid to obey. And I can't even imagine, don't want to imagine that life.

And there are a lot of unknowns about our third baby. We could find things to worry about. But there's really no point. Those things don't matter. We don't doubt that he belongs in our family. God has already done the impossible to bring him to us. So when fear tries to peek out, I close the door on it.

I picture our family as a puzzle with a missing piece. And I have no doubt that our little guy will snuggle in and fill the spaces of our lives just perfectly.

Funny how my posts develop. I took the photo above to show the binder and stack of paperwork. That's all the stuff I've been working on for the past month: the application for our home study, requests for birth certificates, our marriage license, background checks, descriptions of our children, of our home, our finances, etc., etc. I've made great strides this week and am basically finished. We need to get our physicals, but otherwise we're just waiting for everything we've submitted to be processed. Our birth mother is due in approximately 15 weeks. Just 15 short weeks until we meet our puzzle piece and realize what we were missing.

My arms are aching to hold him. I pray for him daily. I love our sweet boy and cannot wait to meet him.

Lovin' The Park

2011-05-14T10:19:00.000-05:00

One of my new favorite things to do is to take the kids to the park just before sunset. The lighting is great for taking pictures and I do love to take pictures! :) I'm not an amazing photographer by any means, but I'm trying to grow. If practice makes perfect, then I'm on my way. :) It's a little tough when my two main subjects don't hold still for more than two seconds, but I have fun with the process. Here are a few pics from our recent trip to the park.

Karis is such a little mommy. She loves helping Kai.

And she's also a typical big sister who loves to pick on her little brother. After helping him take a sip of water, she proceeded to pour it on his head!

And we'll end with a cheesy smile. :)

The Big Day!!

2011-05-06T17:47:00.000-05:00

After all the weeks of waiting and anticipating, the big day finally came! It came and then it flew by. Seriously, it felt like I blinked and it was over. And I've spent the last couple of days trying to catch up emotionally and mentally. It's a lot to process and integrate and it's hard to put into words. It's one thing to meet a birthmother before you know your child. It's another to meet her after you've spent almost two years falling in love with that baby. And another to know that once again she's carrying a child that will soon become part of your family. God has used this woman to answer our prayers and build our family. She is precious to us and so the time I spent with her is not time I spend lightly.

I was blinking back tears on the plane ride there as I looked through the photo album I prepared for our birth mother. It was filled with my favorite photos of Karis from the past 20 months. I tried to choose photos that show her different expressions, her favorite toys and activities, ones that gives glimpses of her personality. As I flipped through the album, I felt so thankful for this woman's decision to let us parent her daughter. I couldn't wait to see her and I couldn't wait to "meet" our new baby through the ultrasound.

The first thing she said as we met was, "Are you nervous? Because I am." I was nervous, but as soon as she said that my nerves were gone. :) I told her, "Yes, I am nervous. But even more I'm just happy to see you." We moved into comfortable conversation that continued the rest of our time together. She asked a lot of questions about Karis - her favorite foods, her favorite music. She loved looking through the photos and we spent most of our time talking about this beautiful child we have in common. She enjoyed learning about things she and Karis shared (for example, Karis loves "guackie" (guacamole) and it turns out her birth mother ate tons of avocados while she was pregnant!). My daughter is one of my favorite topics of conversation, so it was fun to spend time sharing about her with someone who cares deeply about her, as well.

We went to lunch and afterward headed to the doctor's office for the ultrasound. I still feel so blessed that I got to be there. It was incredible to watch this sweet little baby moving and kicking and knowing that it will soon join our family. Again, I was blinking back tears. Our birth mother and I were both really anxious to learn the gender. The baby was a little shy at first, but the doctor was very patient and persistent in getting an angle that allowed him to confidently tell us the gender. And...

Woo Hooo!! Yay!! Thank you, Lord, for adding a precious baby boy to our family!!

Soooo, now we're anxious to decide on a name. For some reason I think it's harder to name boys than girls, and Stephen and I already have a hard time agreeing on names, so I'm praying that God will lead us to the perfect name for our little guy. We'd love to name him soon, so hopefully something will jump out at us!

All in all, I couldn't have asked for a better time with our birth mother. It was so good to see her again. I truly feel grateful for those few hours we got together. As I left to head to the airport, I left with a swell of emotions. And in the days since, the emotions have remained. There's no way to describe them other than conflicted. On one hand, I'm thrilled -- so excited about our baby and thankful the time went well. On the other hand, I'm grieving. As beautiful as adoption is, it always begins with loss. It begins with difficult circumstances and brokenness. So my joy is subdued by my sorrow for this woman whose path in life has been filled with challenges. And I grieve for my children who will one day have to reconcile the loss they've experienced, as well. And so I pray for all of us. I hope to be a light to this woman God has placed in our lives. And I pray that the loss my children have suffered will create compassion and character in them. I pray that it moves them to know and experience God in deep ways. I pray that their earthly experience of adoption will speak of God's adoption not only to them, but also to those they encounter. God has given our family an incredible story. He is all about redemption and I pray that our lives reflect that. We have a great family story, and our story is just beginning. I can't wait for all the future holds...

Happy Easter!!!

2011-04-26T23:45:00.001-05:00

We just celebrated our second Easter with two kids! I can't believe how quickly the time has gone. This time last year Kai was only 6 weeks old. We had to hold him up for the photos we took with Karis, and now he's toddling around and saying his first words! I loved looking at these photos from last year and seeing how much they've grown.

This Easter was really special for me. I didn't grow up practicing Lent, but in recent years I have begun to observe the Lenten season. This year I was more intentional about preparing my heart and mind for Easter, and it made the holiday even more meaningful. One of the ways I did this was by reading from Bread and Wine: Readings for Lent and Easter each day for the 40 days of Lent. It really got me in the mindset of Easter and I was so challenged by the readings. It's not light reading, but I'd definitely recommend it! Just before Lenten season we had the amazing experience of God's provision for our adoption. Stephen and I have been changed by the ways God has worked in our lives through our adoption of Karis and our upcoming adoption. His love for us has been so tangible and His plan for our lives has been beyond what we ever imagined or hoped.

Not everyone has the opportunity of parenting both a biological child and an adopted child. When Karis was born I couldn't imagine loving her any more if she had come from my own womb. But when Kai was born, it removed all doubt that she was mine just as much as he is. I truly love them both with the same deep, heart-wrenching, blissful love. Many years ago God allowed the son He loved, Jesus, to suffer and die in order to make a way for us to be part of His family. And now, through Jesus' resurrection, God calls us His adopted children (Romans 8:15, 9:4, Galatians 4:5, Ephesians 1:5). He considers us co-heirs with Jesus (Romans 8:17). That has always blown me away. I think of what it means to be an heir -- and then to think that God considers me a co-heir with Jesus?! Amazing. In the past when I considered that verse, it eluded me. Until we adopted, it just didn't seem possible that God could love me the way He loves His Son, Jesus. But now that I have Karis and Kai I'm starting to understand it more. Because if someone as frail and imperfect as I am can love these two children with the same love, how much more can God love us that way?? This Easter I am truly in awe of Him and I pray that His love continues to take hold of my heart... and of yours.

When Push Comes To Shove

2011-04-26T22:18:00.000-05:00

The kids were cracking me up tonight! Stephen was outside mowing and they were battling it out to watch him from the prime position at the window by our front door. What's funny is that there are two windows - one on either side of the door. But apparently this one has a better view. :) I'm not endorsing pushing and shoving, but I do have to admit that I'm kinda proud of Kai for stepping up his game. Karis is typically the assertive one and Kai is laid back and doesn't always put up a fight. It's good to know he has it in him when he's motivated! :) But, what makes me even happier is the last photo:

Ahhh, sharing. What a great concept! I didn't interfere and they figured it out on their own. Once they realized they could both see out together, they stood here for quite some time and enjoyed the view. I love my little munchkins! :)

Where's Kai??

2011-04-12T11:44:00.001-05:00

I know this just looks like an ordinary photo of a shower curtain. But if you look closely, there's a little bump sticking out. And that little bump is about to unveil himself:

Where's Kai??

There he is!!!

I love my boy and love how his joy of this game never fades. Don't we all love to be found? Precious moments with my precious little guy.

He or She? That is the Question. :)

2011-04-12T11:06:00.000-05:00

In just a few weeks we get to learn the gender of our new baby! And you know what's even more exciting?? I get to be there for the ultrasound!!! Woo Hooo! When our case worker called to let me know the date of the ultrasound I never expected she would offer for me to come. I'm so excited to spend this time with our birth mother. And knowing that I'll get to SEE our sweet little baby on that monitor is just beyond words. I am thrilled!

Unfortunately it can't work for our whole family to go, so I'm making this a day trip and then we'll all go for a visit this summer. It's been exciting and emotional to think about spending time with our birth mother. We haven't seen her since Karis was born, so I'm excited to talk and catch up and hopefully just encourage her and love on her. I'm so thankful that we have gotten to meet her and know her. When people consider adoption, I think the idea of an open adoption can be a little scary for some. But open adoptions (or semi-open, in our case) have so many benefits if the situation is right. I love that we've met our birth mother and that we know her story and can share about her with our children. I love that we have a face to picture as we pray for her. She means so much to us, and I want to share that with her as much as possible.

I'd love your prayers for my time with her. And I can't wait to update you after the trip!!

Cheesy Smile!!

2011-03-28T10:21:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, out of the blue, Karis looked at me and gave the most hilarious fake smile I've ever seen! I laughed so hard that it reinforced the fake smile and it began to make a regular appearance! It has since been dubbed "Cheesy Smile!" and Kai, being the smart guy he is, picked up on the attention Karis was getting and has now perfected the art of the cheesy smile himself! I'm lovin' it!

Hope you have a cheesy smile on your face now, too! :)

Hodge Podge

2011-03-28T00:06:00.008-05:00

I thought I'd share a random assortment of photos and updates. :)

First up: My favorite recent photo of the kids! They LOVE books, especially Kai. And this book is their favorite book. It's about busy bees meeting various farm animals, so it's a great chance to practice animal names and sounds. And when you get to the last page, it buzzes like bees do!

#2: PIGTAILS!!! I love them. And so does Karis. She asks for them. And when I wore my hair in a ponytail a few days ago, she needed to look like Mommy!

#3: ALL BOY! Yep, this kid is really messy when he eats, scrappy (rarely a peep when he falls or bumps his head!) he loves wheels on anything, and he loves to play with balls!

Uncle Zach came to visit on his motorcycle. Kai was pretty proud of himself sitting up there. If Uncle Zach has any influence, Kai will be riding one of these himself as soon as possible!

Loves tools and working with Daddy!

He just did that smooth move where you pass the ball between your legs!

#4: The Look

You may have noticed by now that Karis is a child of many expressions. :) I should probably do a post solely with photos of her making funny faces. But this face has been making an appearance more often. This is her sulking face. She does this when she doesn't want to cooperate or when she's being reprimanded and knows she's guilty! (FYI: she wasn't being reprimanded when I took these pics, these are both "not wanting to cooperate" faces. :)

#5: Using a Fork! Kai has been practicing a lot and has some pretty impressive fork skillz!! :)

#6: We said we were going to wait until we know the gender of our baby before we start talking about names, but today I couldn't help but start making my way through this book! I only made it through the A's (in girl names) before I got really tired, so since the kids were asleep, I took a nap! But I may have found a possibility!

And to finish, a photo that should probably be saved for the post on Karis's expressions, but it makes me laugh, so I'll go ahead and share it now:

Wha choo talkin bout, Willis?

Happy Monday!!!

Merrily We Row Along

2011-03-22T13:15:00.018-05:00

Every adoption has its own flavor. Karis's was fast and furious. We got matched with her birthmother when we thought she was due in 2 weeks (however, as you may remember, after each week's appointment with the doctor, her due date would be pushed back to the next week, so she ultimately came about a month later than we expected). We raced to finish all the required steps to be able to bring her home from the hospital. It was incredibly exciting, yet trying to jump through all the hoops of adoption in such a short time period was overwhelming and stressful at times. Plus I was pregnant, plus I was in the last few weeks of my job, plus Stephen had just gotten a promotion, plus he was traveling for work, plus, plus, plus... :)

Fast forward to adoption #2. We started out fast and furious because of the financial need (and AMEN again to God's provision!!!) but now we have 6 months of waiting until our baby is due. When people ask how the adoption is going, it feels a little odd that I don't have much to report. It's actually kinda nice to have an unhurried pace. I'm really, really excited about Baby #3 and at the same time I'm savoring being the mommy of two right now. When Kai was born I had to adjust to dividing my attention between two kids. And I know that will be an adjustment again. It's funny how expecting a third child has changed my perspective. Before this baby was in the picture, I thought my life was really busy. Now that I'm imagining life with three, life with two feels more manageable! :) Every time I go somewhere, I sort through the logistics of doing the same thing with three babies instead of two. Grocery shopping will be even more exciting. :) Thank goodness for those grocery carts with the toddler seats in front!

And thank goodness that Karis is willing to help! :)

We're also anxious to learn the gender of our baby! We've had people ask what we think it will be, but we don't have an inclination either way. :) We can see benefits to either, so we trust that God knows best and we're just excited to start planning and to give this baby a name!

In the meantime, I'm enjoying being greeted in the morning by this:

And this:

I am blessed!!!

Spring, We Are SOOOO Happy You're Here!!!

2011-03-16T23:23:00.009-05:00

I love to be outside. And my kids love to be outside. So we were all really, really happy to enjoy the first signs of Spring today!!! I feel like I've been cooped up in the house since Karis was born (she was a newborn, then it was cold and I was pregnant, then Kai was born and it was still cold, then it was really, really hot, then it was really, really cold. I don't even know what happened to Spring and Fall last year!?!).
Anyway... :) We ventured wayyy out into our backyard today and the kids discovered a new hobby.

Picking up rocks.

Who knew finding the tiniest little rock in the smallest little crevice would be so fun and so entertaining?? Haha. Well, if you're a one-year-old, it can keep you occupied for hours! And so I went with it (paying careful attention to keep a close eye on Kai because he wanted to eat those shiny little pebbles). And we even brought some of those rocks in the house with us to show Daddy when he got home from work. (A highlight of my day is their excitement to see him when he gets home).

Some days I feel like my life is a circus and I'm walking on a tightrope juggling all the balls of keeping a home and rearing two toddlers. And I'm sure when I have 3 kids I'll laugh that I ever thought two created a circus! :) But I try to have more days like today, days when I drop those balls and just enjoy slowing down with my sweet kiddos. I realized lately that I don't call them "The Babies" anymore. It made me a little sad. Time passes so quickly. All the more reason to stop and pick up the rocks -- our version of smelling the roses. :)

Our Little Peach

2011-03-07T21:20:00.002-06:00

Last week we finally got to hear an approximate due date! We're excited to announce that our baby is due in September!!! Woo Hoo! Our birthmother has had a couple of doctor appointments, but our contact at the agency had the flu one week and strep the next, so we hadn't gotten to hear updates like we'd hoped. We don't have an exact due date (she didn't have the paperwork in front of her and didn't remember the specific date) but at least we have a general time frame and will hopefully hear more specifics soon. It was hard to feel out of the loop the past few weeks (another topic for another post) so we're really thankful to at least have this very important piece of information! :)

So, I looked online and our baby is approximately the size of a peach. :) When I was pregnant with Kai I always found it amusing that books compared his size to some sort of fruit, but it is helpful! I found this image of a fetus at around the same stage of development as our baby and I just melted. It amazes me to think of this little person growing in our birthmother's womb. This whole experience happened so quickly and unexpectedly, so it's been a little surreal. Incredible, but surreal. Seeing this photo has bonded my heart to this little one even more. We pray for him/her every day and can't wait to find out if it is a him or a her! Hopefully in a month or so we'll know!!

Scrunchie Face

2011-02-25T00:45:00.005-06:00

I have no idea why he closes his eyes and scrunches up his face like this, but I love it! He does it when he's really happy and it usually involves food, as you can tell by the two pictures in the high chair. (Poor guy, I just grab the closest bib, so sometimes he ends up in pink!) By simply looking at the photos, one might mistake his joy for distress, but I promise he's happy! :) He's a mellow and content little guy, and at the same time he's so fun and getting so expressive. Such a fun age!!!

The Cost of Adoption

2011-02-24T13:56:00.000-06:00

We've had several people ask us about the cost of adoption. We've been asked if we can get a "discount" since we've gone through the hoops of adopting already and because the agency came to us instead of us going to them. We think these are great, valid questions, so I thought more of you might be curious.

Why is adoption so expensive??

Different avenues of adopting are a fit for different people for different reasons, and when we initially began to pursue adoption, going through an agency to adopt domestically was our fit. Our agency broke down our fees so we got a good idea of where our money was going. When you pay an agency, you're not paying for a baby. Rather, you're paying for the services to aid you in adopting a baby. Whether they're for-profit or not-for-profit, adoption agencies are like any business and they have overhead: expenses for their staffing, services, location, etc. The services of an agency include finding birthmothers, attending to the needs of birthmothers, matching birthmothers with families, guiding both parties through all the necessary paperwork and legalities of adoption, being available for questions and needs that arise, supporting all parties through the process, as well as post-placement follow up. Believe me, there's a lot to it!

In addition to agency fees, approximately 1/3 of our adoption expenses go toward care for our birthmother. This is an expense that varies depending on the needs of each birthmother. This can include medical, housing, food, maternity clothing, etc. Birthmother care can significantly increase the cost of adopting domestically, but it's a worthy expense. This mother has chosen life for her baby and is making the difficult decision to give the baby up. It creates expenses and complications for her. So to know she is healthy, safe, and supported is valuable. It benefits her, the baby, and ultimately our family.

Will this adoption cost less, since you adopted so recently?

Unfortunately, the only aspect of this adoption that will cost less is our home study. We need only to update it, rather than redo it. So that will save about $2000. Everything else has to be completed as if this were our first adoption (i.e. paying for copies of birth certificates, marriage licenses, FBI background checks). Our birthmother sought out the agency, and they would have worked with her whether we chose to adopt this baby or not. The needs and requirements of working with her are the same as any other birthmother, so it makes sense that they would require the same fee.

Our agency does a great job of working with birthmothers. This is the main reason we were drawn to them in the first place. We were so impressed with the love and care they showed to our birthmother. They spent the night and hung out with her in the hospital room the whole time she was there (which was longer because she had a c-section). She is not just the means to get a baby for a family, she is a person with needs and they believe this is an opportunity to invest in her and help her in a way that positively impacts her future. We observed firsthand how much work our adoption created for the agency, and from what I can tell, they're not getting rich. So although we would have loved a discount, we also realized as God is providing financially for us, He is also providing for the adoption agency to continue their valuable ministry.

I really wish adoption cost less. There may be a lot of people who would consider adopting if they thought it was something they could afford. And I understand being deterred by the cost. It's overwhelming for most of us. But I hope our story will be an encouragement to anyone reading this who is deterred for financial reasons only. If God is leading you to adopt, God can and does provide! He is faithful. Woo Hooo!! :)

Sentimental Clothing Day

2011-02-23T23:41:00.004-06:00

Today I took some photos of the kids in "nostalgic" clothing. Karis is wearing a dress that belonged to her cousin Avery and Kai is wearing an outfit that Stephen wore when he was a little boy. Cutie Patooties!! :)

It's Official!

2011-02-19T21:51:00.010-06:00

We're adopting this baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been trying for the past hour to write a post that can convey our excitement and joy but I'm realizing that it's just not possible to contain the events and emotions of the past week into words. Suffice it to say, we are THRILLED and beyond blessed!

What an incredible week it has been! Thursday night, eight days after sharing our story with you, we had received what we needed to begin the adoption process with the agency! And as of today we've received just over $16,000!!! With the gifts we have received to this point, along with our tax return, we're 3/4 of the way to our goal! Wooo Hoooo! Thank you, God! And thank you, friends, for your prayers and your investment in our family! I don't know how many times I've cried and said, "Are you kidding me?!?" :) It's been overwhelming and mind blowing. I really can't articulate just how incredible this has been. God is giving us another baby!!! And you have been part of making it happen. God is using you to help grow our family -- simply wonderful!

On Thursday morning I was listening to Pandora and the hymn "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus..." came on. I've heard it so many times, but that morning the lyrics jumped out and landed on my heart. It really has been sweet to trust God for this adoption. So often we're afraid to "risk" following God for something we can't accomplish on our own. But trusting God is so much better than trusting ourselves. This story wouldn't have been nearly as amazing if we'd had the money just sitting in the bank. We wouldn't have gotten to experience God's provision and we wouldn't have gotten to experience this community pulling together to make something happen. We have been so encouraged and humbled by your love and excitement for our family.

I think back to Karis's adoption and how it felt like such a big step of faith. God came through, as He loves to do. And experiencing His faithfulness then gave us the courage to step out this time, which felt like an even bigger step. I love how God uses the past to help build our faith for the future. And I love how the hymn I mentioned before ends with these lyrics, "Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus. Oh, for grace to trust Him more."

God is Providing!!

2011-02-14T23:01:00.011-06:00

... And He's doing it through you! Thank you so, so much for all of your prayers and for your financial support. We are so blessed and humbled by the love and encouragement we have received. Daily I'm reminded of the verse, "God loves a cheerful giver." Not only are you giving, but you're giving with such love and joy. We've even been thanked for giving people the opportunity to give! :) Seriously, we are so, so grateful. It was a little scary to put our need out there, and it can even prick at our pride to admit our need so publicly (which is a good thing). It's easy to wonder what people will think and to feel awkward about asking for help. But leave it to God to be using this situation to work in other people's lives, too! Stephen articulated it so well in an email to some generous friends, " It is amazing how God weaves things together and is at work in all of our lives. This is such a step of faith for us and it is beginning to hit me that this isn't just an exercise in faith for Amy and I, but a way for God to move in others as well."

As of today, we have received almost $8000!! And several more have said that they will give. Other than a few times of fear or doubt, I've felt very hopeful that God will provide for this adoption. But yesterday I mentally went the next step: I started imagining trading in my sedan for a minivan because there's no way we can fit 3 car seats in the back seat of my car!! Haha. :) I'm feeling excited and I'm continuing to pray so much!

Once we have the $13,000 we need to sign on with the agency, we'll be able to update our home study. After the home study is complete, we can begin applying for adoption grants and/or some loan options. In addition to your giving, know that we are researching different options for funding this adoption, as well. We are working and sacrificing in every way we can. We don't take it lightly that you are sacrificing for us. In fact, I think we've been in a perpetual state of awe. :) Touched, blessed, honored, grateful, appreciative - it's hard to find a word to accurately express just how much this means to us. Knowing that our friends are cutting back on their own comforts so that they can help us adopt just blows us away. "Thank you" just doesn't do it justice.

My plan is to call the agency tomorrow to check in and let them know where we are financially. We're so hopeful that the remaining amount will come in. Thank you for continuing to pray with us!

Yippee "Kai" Yay!!!

2011-02-14T13:18:00.043-06:00

Our little guy is ONE!!! Exactly one year ago today, on Valentine's Day, we brought him home from the hospital and began settling into life as a family of four. We've had so much fun with our sweet boy this year. We couldn't be more thankful for him! He is the answer to years of prayer and my heart, that was filled with hope and longing, is still overwhelmed and humbled that God has gifted us with our son. We had so much fun celebrating him last week. Our families all came into town for his Western themed birthday party. What a great day it was! Yippee "Kai" Yay!!! :)

I am still savoring the memories of such an amazing day. We're so, so blessed by this little guy, and by all our family and friends who love him, too!

God's Amazing Timing

2011-02-10T19:05:00.001-06:00

As promised, here are some of the crazy and amazing circumstances that have led up to this adoption!!

God started preparing the way two weeks ago while Stephen and I were enjoying our first date night in a long time. Believe it or not, we ended up talking about our kids. :) We talked about adopting again and basically came down to this: We'd love to adopt, but we decided we wouldn’t pursue it ourselves. Rather, we'll take things as they come and if a situation or need presents itself, we'll be open to it. Conversation then moved to Karis's birthmother. We've sent her photos, but haven't had any other contact with her since Karis's birth. We wondered how she is doing and I mused about the possibility of her becoming pregnant again.

The next day Stephen was at work when his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and there, on the caller ID, was the director of the agency where we adopted Karis!?!

"Can you guess why I'm calling," she asked?

"Based on my conversation with Amy last night, I think I can," said Stephen.

She went on to share that Karis's birthmother is in her first trimester of pregnancy and she wants us to adopt the baby. The agency asked us to get back with them in a few days and let them know if we're interested.

Wow. Just, WOW.

Stephen waited until he was home from work and the kids were in bed to tell me. Shock doesn't even begin to describe how we felt. Our conversation the night before definitely didn't seem like a coincidence. We were both excited but overwhelmed. We talked about it a lot more that night, then decided to sleep on it and talk some more the next day.

We both went through a lot of emotions the next day. For so many reasons we felt excited about adopting again, especially a baby biologically connected to Karis. Yet having 3 babies in diapers sounds overwhelming. Our oldest may not even be 2 when this baby is born! And financially we're not in a place to adopt. We spent a good portion of our savings on Karis's adoption. Then I quit working, we had Kai, moved for Stephen’s job, and bought a house! So more than anything, the financial part was holding us back. We admitted this to God and prayed that He would somehow encourage us that He will provide if this adoption is meant to be.

The next night Stephen was working on our taxes while I got the kids ready for bed. He came upstairs looking for some paperwork and I thought he seemed a little funny, a little urgent. I asked him how it was going and he said, "I just really want to finish this tonight."

Well, he did finish our taxes that night. And guess what? We're getting an $8000 refund this year! We weren't expecting any refund! There was a change in the law about the adoption tax credit (for this year and maybe only this year!) and based on what we spent for Karis's adoption, we're now entitled to this refund!

If I used the word "shocked" to describe our feelings before, what word is left to describe how we felt that night? Is God using one adoption to help fund another?

By then it was late Friday night, so we called the agency on Monday to say we’re definitely interested in adopting this baby. During that phone call we learned that we’d need to pay $13,000 right off the bat. I’ll admit we were a little deflated. We’ll obviously use our tax return toward adoption expenses, but for various reasons we won't receive the refund for approximately 8 weeks, which is after our first installment is due. So we said we’d keep praying and get back with them.

One of our friends was supposed to visit as she drove through our town later that week. For various reasons it didn’t work out, so she emailed to let me know. When I wrote back I shared a brief update of our adoption opportunity.

The next night I was up late thinking and praying about all of this. I was about to go to bed when I got a text from the same friend saying, “If you’re awake, you should call me.” So I did, and she went on to share that she had asked her friends to pray for us at their Bible study that night. One of the girls there came up to her afterward and asked how she could give to us. My friend told her she could write a check and that she’d send it to us. Well, that check ended up being for $1000!!! From someone who doesn’t even know us! And to make the story even better, she shared later that for 3 days God had been impressing upon her heart to give $1000 to someone, but she didn't know who. She said that as soon as she heard our story she knew the money was meant for us! Wow.

If we weren’t sure before, we were convinced now that God didn’t want us to let money keep us from moving forward!

So here were are! Any of these events could have happened at any point, but they all happened one after the next, building our faith and encouraging us forward. Our heads are spinning but we’re so excited and so hopeful for what may be in store!!! Thank you so much for walking this journey with us and thank you for your prayers!!!

And Then There Were THREE?????

2011-02-09T13:40:00.015-06:00

Our family may be adopting again!! We’ve been on the most unexpected and amazing ride lately. Two weeks ago today we went out to eat for Stephen’s birthday. During our conversation we talked about adopting again someday, but decided that we wouldn’t seek out an agency, rather we’d be open if an opportunity presented itself. We went on to talk about Karis’s birthmother and wondered at the possibility of her having another child. The next day we got a call from our adoption agency telling us that Karis birthmother is pregnant and wants us to adopt the baby! Wow, talk about timing! We’ve gone through emotions ranging from shock to excitement to fear to being overwhelmed. And now we’re hopeful. Okay, and still a little overwhelmed. :) But excited! Several circumstances have played out in such a way that we can’t help but believe that God wants us to move forward with this. “God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than all we could ask or imagine.” We thought Karis and Kai were more than we could ask or imagine, but God may be imagining even more for our family!

So here’s the crazy thing: with agency fees, birth mother care, a home study, and additional expenses (like paying for certified birth certificates and travel/hotel once the baby is born), this adoption will cost over $30,000. Our next step is to sign a contract with the agency and to do that we need to pay our first installment of $13,067. And we need it in the next couple of weeks!! The agency obviously wants to match us with this baby, but because of a state law that was implemented in January, we can’t begin working with them until we pay according to their policy regarding fees. So, a few days ago we called the agency and said we want to move forward with this adoption… but we don’t have the money. The agency’s staff has often seen God provide and they’re hoping with us, so they are willing to wait a couple of weeks, but after that they can’t continue to absorb the cost of waiting to match Karis’s birthmother with a family. So, that’s our timeline.

This is a huge step of faith for us. We know God can provide the money if this is His plan for us. We’re nervous about stepping out, but excited that we could be on the cusp of seeing His hand in incredible ways.

In the end if this baby goes to another family, we’ll trust that as God’s plan. But we believe God is leading us to move forward, so we have to try. This baby shares DNA with Karis, so he/she is already family. And so is Karis’s birthmother. The fact that another baby is on the way speaks to her brokenness. We grieve over her lifestyle and choices and don’t deny that her situation is bleak. But we’re hoping for another chance to extend God’s love to her. She is crying out for love and attention, and maybe her methods aren’t the best, but “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Please join us in praying for her.

And we humbly ask that as you pray, if God moves your heart, would you consider giving toward our adoption? (*Details below) We know finances are tight for most of us, and we understand that it may not be possible for you to give financially. It may sound over-used, but your prayers are truly the best thing you can offer us.

If you have any questions or want clarification on anything, please feel free to ask.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!!

*We have been able to partner with Grace Haven Ministries, an organization that helps families fund their adoptions. If you would like for your donation to be tax-deductible, you can write a check or give online. Make checks payable to: (Please include a note indicating the money is for Stephen & Amy's Adoption)

Grace Haven Ministries

P.O. Box 956

Rogers, Arkansas 72757

To give online, go to Grace Haven. After you enter your credit card information it will give you the opportunity to “Specify Purpose For Donation.” Include our name in that memo box.

Kai is Walking!!!

2011-01-27T13:56:00.003-06:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, we now have a house full of walkers!! Our main man is now mobile! Kai has been thisclose to walking for a long time now, so when he took off last week, we were thrilled! Life just got a little crazier, but I love having two little ones toddling around. We're getting ready to celebrate Kai's first birthday in a couple of weeks! We can't believe how quickly this year has gone by. What an amazing, full year! Our little guy is so fun. He's chill and great at entertaining himself, but he's social, too. He's very smiley and very curious! He says "Mama" and "Dada" and is trying to say lots more. He is pretty patient with his big sister, who is a little overly affectionate (i.e. constantly laying on top of him giving him hugs, interrupting his walking groove by giving him hugs, kissing his head while he's eating, patting him "gently" when he looks at books :) He is such a sweet boy. Gotta love him!

Karis's Tricks!

2011-01-27T13:39:00.003-06:00

It's been a VERY long time since I've posted and so much has happened in these last few months that I haven't blogged 1.) out of busy-ness, and 2.) because I have no idea where to begin! But I thought I'd break my silence by sharing a few clips of our kiddos doing what they currently do best. :) This video was taken before Christmas, so Karis's vocabulary and language comprehension has grown even more. We're amazed at how much she understands and is able to communicate. She's such a little person and already tells us so many stories! We can't wait until we can understand them. :) She doesn't walk anywhere - she runs! She's very entertaining and at such a fun age! Hope you enjoy!

Packing!

2010-10-15T23:04:00.001-05:00

Two weeks from today our family will close on our new house and begin life in a new city. We have been super busy as we've made lots of trips to look at houses and juggled all the tasks that come along with moving, all in addition to daily tasks that are already challenging to keep up with! :) Stephen and I are pretty experienced movers. However, this is our first move with kids, so we have accumulated a LOT more stuff and the logistics are a little more tricky this time! We're hopeful that this move is going to be long term, though, so we're very excited at the prospect of settling down.

A friend came over to visit yesterday and we were talking about how packed the past year has been for our family: A new job position for Stephen, an adoption, a pregnancy, 2 kids, a cancer scare, a move, and something I haven't talked about on the blog yet, the closing of a beloved ministry. The branch of the ministry where Stephen and I met (and worked together until I became a stay-at-home mom) had to close due to financial difficulties. It's been really sad for us. The economy has been hard on non-profits and as a result the ministry had to close its doors after 30 years. We are thankful that Stephen's job is secure, however. There is one other branch of the ministry, so we are moving locations. Even though it's a new area for us, we have friends and relatives who live there, so we don't have to start completely from scratch. The sadness that comes from leaving close friends is sharing space with the excitement of a new adventure. I learned long ago that I life requires us to juggle more than one emotion at once.

So, here are some photos of the kids "helping" me pack. Actually, it's probably more accurate to say that I pack and Karis unpacks everything I just put in the box. So one of my solutions is to put her in a box! It lasts for about 5 minutes before she's tired of it. :) However, we're doing pretty well being productive and still having fun. I put on some good music and make them laugh as we dance and pack. If you've seen me dance you know that it is definitely laugh-worthy! :)

Happy Birthday, Karis!

2010-09-28T09:28:00.008-05:00

Our Girl is ONE!!!

2010-09-28T09:16:00.019-05:00

Karis turned one!!! And as it turns out, celebrating your child's birthday

is wayy more fun than celebrating your own! :) Family and friends

packed our house and loved on our girl and I took it all in and was

blessed. I expected the day to be fun, but I didn't realize just how

much it would mean to me. The past year has been amazing, and

the events leading up to Karis's birth only made the year sweeter.

We celebrated the most amazing daughter we can imagine and we

celebrated God's goodness and love toward our family. I'm a

sentimental person (in case you haven't picked up on that, yet ;) so

I spent a lot of time remembering all the events surroudning Karis's

birth: meeting her birth mother, getting the call that she was in labor,

driving in the middle of the night, walking into the hospital at 3am

knowing I was about to meet my daughter, actually seeing her for the

first time, holding her and feeling my heart swell with emotions I

couldn't even name. I remembered introducing her to family and friends,

bringing her home, cuddling her close while feeling Kai kicking in my

belly. I thought about her firsts: Her first smile, her first laugh, her

first tooth, seeing her clap, wave, crawl, and walk. And these are just

a few of my memories of this phenomenal year.

There's a verse in Luke that talks about Mary "treasuring" things in her

heart about her son Jesus. In a small way my mother's heart relates.

I expected to love being a mother, but this has exceeded my expectations.

Savoring the memories of the year filled my heart to overflowing.

Flowery words, but I'm sure many of you relate! :)

And speaking of mothers, there's a special woman out there who was a

mother to Karis first. She nurtured her in her womb, then courageously

chose to place her in our arms. For that I am eternally grateful. Karis

feels so much ours that sometimes it's hard to believe she ever belonged

to someone else. But this woman knew Karis before we did. And we

care so much about her. She was on our hearts a lot leading up to

Karis's birthday. I don't know how she felt on September 4th, but I'm

sure she was thinking about her baby girl. And we were thinking of her.

12 Months of Karis!!!

2010-09-17T12:42:00.003-05:00

Our sweet girl is ONE!! I'll post about her birthday

as soon as I can, but I wanted to share this slideshow

in the meantime. I can't believe how much she's grown!

What an amazing year!

Gracious Names

2010-08-21T21:42:00.007-05:00

How cute are these pics??? We recently got family photos taken and are very happy with the results! I'll share more photos soon, but these are a couple of my favorites. My friend Shauna hand paints these name plaques. We LOVE them. We carefully chose each child's name and love that we can display their meanings in such a beautiful way. Feel free to check out Shauna's website Gracious Names.